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| An entire population is quickly consumed by the raging virus |
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Unknown Knowledge: Extinct Animals
Today we'll analyze the extinction of birds and animals, and the controversial circumstances leading to their disappearance.
Name: Tasmanian Tigers
Method: Specicide; Extermination
Controversial Level: ★★★★
Controversy: In 1936, all the Tasmanian Tigers rallied together to defend their rights against the specism exercised by the Kangaroos Jumping Party and the newcomers, the Dingoes.
Many attempts were made by the ruling mammals and marsupials in curbing this Tasmanian Tiger uprising, but the movement was gaining momentum.
However, all the Tasmanian Tigers suddenly disappeared by the end of the very same year. Since then, various agencies and reporters have tried to uncover the dark truth begind these disappearances, resulting in their disappearances as well. Hence, there will be no further insight into this report.
Fun Fact: Some Tasmanian Tigers thought they were actually related to tigers. Unfortunately for them, on a visit to meet tigers to strengthen their movement, they weren't greeted with the same level of enthusiasm and were sent home in doggy bags.
Name: Quaggas
Method: Exploitation
Controversial Level: ★★★★
Controversy: Quaggas were the not-so-smart members of the zebra family, and therefore, were heavily picked on. They were made to do all the menial jobs, and often cheated out of their fair share.
The use of the quaggas as zebra shield against predators were kept out of the news until it was too late. Often the quaggas would be made to stand right at the outer periphery of the herd, so that their bland pattern would stick out like a sore thumb. This made the quaggas easy prey for predators to pick out of the crowd.
In 1883, the last quagga gave up her life for the greater good of the herd.
Fun Fact: Quaggas would often fool zebra females into bed, by approaching them head-on. Conspiracy theorists claim that the resultant offspring was made to shun its quagga heritage, and got absorbed completely into the zebra family.
Name: Passenger Pigeon
Method: Addiction; Substance abuse
Controversial Level: ★★
Controversy: Passenger Pigeons were considered the gypsies of the bird world. They traveled in large numbers, and everywhere they went, they caused chaos and destruction through white wash. Tired with their behaviour, the American Birds Conglomeration (ABC), decided to exploit Passenger Pigeons' one weakness... bird seeds.
The ABC spiked bird seeds with alcohol, and started selling it to the adults for cheap. They also hooked youngsters onto pure and unadulterated bird seeds in powdered form. One led to the other, and soon the Passenger Pigeons were completely addicted.
One by one, Passenger Pigeons were no longer traveling as passengers to different parts of the continent, and had stayed put for way too long. By 1914, the last passenger pigeon became an ordinary pigeon, staying away from the eyes of bird society... still subjecting itself to substance abuse.
Fun Fact: Unreliable reports have it that some Passenger Pigeons have made it onto the board of the ABC, and now getting all the other members addicted to the very same illegal bird seeds.
Name: The Golden Toads
Method: Statelessness
Controversy Level: ★★★
Controversy: Golden Toads epitomized peace in Costa Rica. They were a living icon of jungle peace and inter-animal harmony. Unfortunately, their refusal to move from their habitat, containing rich varieties of bugs, prompted other toads and frogs to forcefully take over their pond and shores. The outsiders soon starting torturing the Golden Toads, and cut off their magic mushroom supply causing them to stop glowing.
Unable to bear this kind of treatment, in 1989 the Golden Toads left their habitat under the cover of dampness, and sought refuge in various other ponds and marshes. These refugees have now disappeared completely, and even if they were found, they have no identity or habitat to call their own.
Fun Fact: The Doors have a song dedicated to the Golden Toads, except they mistook them for frogs.
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
---
Name: Tasmanian Tigers
Method: Specicide; Extermination
Controversial Level: ★★★★
Many attempts were made by the ruling mammals and marsupials in curbing this Tasmanian Tiger uprising, but the movement was gaining momentum.
However, all the Tasmanian Tigers suddenly disappeared by the end of the very same year. Since then, various agencies and reporters have tried to uncover the dark truth begind these disappearances, resulting in their disappearances as well. Hence, there will be no further insight into this report.
Fun Fact: Some Tasmanian Tigers thought they were actually related to tigers. Unfortunately for them, on a visit to meet tigers to strengthen their movement, they weren't greeted with the same level of enthusiasm and were sent home in doggy bags.
---
Name: Quaggas
Method: Exploitation
Controversial Level: ★★★★
Controversy: Quaggas were the not-so-smart members of the zebra family, and therefore, were heavily picked on. They were made to do all the menial jobs, and often cheated out of their fair share.
The use of the quaggas as zebra shield against predators were kept out of the news until it was too late. Often the quaggas would be made to stand right at the outer periphery of the herd, so that their bland pattern would stick out like a sore thumb. This made the quaggas easy prey for predators to pick out of the crowd.
In 1883, the last quagga gave up her life for the greater good of the herd.
Fun Fact: Quaggas would often fool zebra females into bed, by approaching them head-on. Conspiracy theorists claim that the resultant offspring was made to shun its quagga heritage, and got absorbed completely into the zebra family.
---
Name: Passenger Pigeon
Method: Addiction; Substance abuse
Controversial Level: ★★
Controversy: Passenger Pigeons were considered the gypsies of the bird world. They traveled in large numbers, and everywhere they went, they caused chaos and destruction through white wash. Tired with their behaviour, the American Birds Conglomeration (ABC), decided to exploit Passenger Pigeons' one weakness... bird seeds.
The ABC spiked bird seeds with alcohol, and started selling it to the adults for cheap. They also hooked youngsters onto pure and unadulterated bird seeds in powdered form. One led to the other, and soon the Passenger Pigeons were completely addicted.
One by one, Passenger Pigeons were no longer traveling as passengers to different parts of the continent, and had stayed put for way too long. By 1914, the last passenger pigeon became an ordinary pigeon, staying away from the eyes of bird society... still subjecting itself to substance abuse.
Fun Fact: Unreliable reports have it that some Passenger Pigeons have made it onto the board of the ABC, and now getting all the other members addicted to the very same illegal bird seeds.
---
Name: The Golden Toads
Method: Statelessness
Controversy Level: ★★★
Controversy: Golden Toads epitomized peace in Costa Rica. They were a living icon of jungle peace and inter-animal harmony. Unfortunately, their refusal to move from their habitat, containing rich varieties of bugs, prompted other toads and frogs to forcefully take over their pond and shores. The outsiders soon starting torturing the Golden Toads, and cut off their magic mushroom supply causing them to stop glowing.
Unable to bear this kind of treatment, in 1989 the Golden Toads left their habitat under the cover of dampness, and sought refuge in various other ponds and marshes. These refugees have now disappeared completely, and even if they were found, they have no identity or habitat to call their own.
Fun Fact: The Doors have a song dedicated to the Golden Toads, except they mistook them for frogs.
---
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
10 Types of Social Comics... and lots more!
Greetings dear visitors traversing this small corner of the interwebs! Stay a little longer and read a little quicker, and you'll have a better understanding of the different social comics that exist out there.
Without much ado, here they are!
Symptoms: Enthusiastic, charismatic, pitiful
Condition: Once the joke concludes, the only person laughing is the one telling the joke
The Poker Player
Symptoms: Serious, intelligent, scary
Condition: Runs the joke with a straight face. Sometimes causes mass silence since no one knows if it's a joke or life as it happened.
Condition: Usually quiet unless targeted, and usually retorts in such a way that the attacker is left embarrassed
Condition: Converts even the simplest incidences into a whirlwind trilogy of love, betrayal, and power
The Teacher
Symptoms: listener, jovial, egoistic
Condition: Chips in with actual facts and corrects the narrator when he exaggerates or makes a mistake
---
El Bully
Symptoms: extrovert, animated, hogs the limelight
Condition: Not only does this person physically put down his target by thumping the shoulders with a heavy blow, but his jokes embarrass the other person in the front of the crowd as well
---
Potpourri
Symptoms: smart, open-minded, funny sometimes
Condition: Is a mix of all the types of social comics
Kamikaze Specialist
Symptoms: naive, well-meaning, silly
Condition: Joins in the fun of belittling a targeted person of a joke, only to end up always saying something unwittingly silly, that switches the spotlight onto him/her.
---
The Native
Symptoms: enthusiastic, listens, insecure
Condition: In an attempt to be funny, says an inside joke that would probably be understood only by one person in a group of ten or more
---
Coattail Rider
Symptoms: alert, jovial, unoriginal
Condition: Chips in with a word or short sentence during the telling of a very funny joke. Ends up being considered funny as well
The Ghoul
Symptoms: enthusiastic, persistent, talkative
Condition: Says the worst form of jokes that invoke only moans and groans from the listeners
---
The Lightning
Symptoms: quiet, intense, partly poker faced
Condition: Narrates a hilarious joke that no one gets initially. When it does hit, it results in mass laughter and stomach cramps
Do you fit into one of the above categories? Let me know in the comments below, or via IM, or snail mail, or dino mail, or pony express, or just read through this and self-analyze.
Without much ado, here they are!
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The Self-MotivatorSymptoms: Enthusiastic, charismatic, pitiful
Condition: Once the joke concludes, the only person laughing is the one telling the joke
- Extreme Case: TV Ads State
Symptoms: Easily amused, excited, not capable of providing a summary
Condition: Interrupts the story telling on a regular basis with peals of laughter. Horrible narration results in only narrator finding the joke funny
---
The Poker Player
Symptoms: Serious, intelligent, scary
Condition: Runs the joke with a straight face. Sometimes causes mass silence since no one knows if it's a joke or life as it happened.
---
The Comeback King/Queen
Symptoms: quiet, active listener, can switch target of laughter quicklyCondition: Usually quiet unless targeted, and usually retorts in such a way that the attacker is left embarrassed
- Derivative: The Crossbow
Symptoms: Alert, jovial, fox-like
Condition: At opportune moments, fires a one-liner that cracks up everyone around. - Antonym: The Self Proclaimed Comeback King/Queen
Symptoms: loud, determined, not funny
Condition: Impatient to retort, and is usually funny only in that person's mind. Also, destroys the mood at the moment because of that person's perseverance in trying to be the King/Queen of comebacks
---
The Tolkien
Symptoms: a talker, hyper active, dreamerCondition: Converts even the simplest incidences into a whirlwind trilogy of love, betrayal, and power
- Sidekick: The Quick Starter
Symptoms: Enthusiastic, brilliant memory, supportive
Condition: In an attempt to stay relevant, always starts off or brings up a joke or incident, but asks The Tolkien to complete it. - Derivative: The Peter Jackson
Symptoms: Vivid imagination, animated, loud
Condition: The physically animated retelling of The Tolkien narration, with verbal sound effects
The Teacher
Symptoms: listener, jovial, egoistic
Condition: Chips in with actual facts and corrects the narrator when he exaggerates or makes a mistake
---
El Bully
Symptoms: extrovert, animated, hogs the limelight
Condition: Not only does this person physically put down his target by thumping the shoulders with a heavy blow, but his jokes embarrass the other person in the front of the crowd as well
---
Potpourri
Symptoms: smart, open-minded, funny sometimes
Condition: Is a mix of all the types of social comics
- Antonym: The Inspired
Symptoms: loud, determined, not funny
Condition: Imitates word-to-word & action-by-action the narration by the original
---
Kamikaze Specialist
Symptoms: naive, well-meaning, silly
Condition: Joins in the fun of belittling a targeted person of a joke, only to end up always saying something unwittingly silly, that switches the spotlight onto him/her.
---
The Native
Symptoms: enthusiastic, listens, insecure
Condition: In an attempt to be funny, says an inside joke that would probably be understood only by one person in a group of ten or more
---
Coattail Rider
Symptoms: alert, jovial, unoriginal
Condition: Chips in with a word or short sentence during the telling of a very funny joke. Ends up being considered funny as well
- Arch Nemesis: End Credits
Symptoms: Enthusiastic, impatient, selfish
Condition: Shouts out the punch line early on in the joke, regardless of whether anyone else has heard it or not.
---
The Ghoul
Symptoms: enthusiastic, persistent, talkative
Condition: Says the worst form of jokes that invoke only moans and groans from the listeners
---
The Lightning
Symptoms: quiet, intense, partly poker faced
Condition: Narrates a hilarious joke that no one gets initially. When it does hit, it results in mass laughter and stomach cramps
- Extreme Delay Response: The Socrates
Symptoms: quiet, intense, partly poker faced
Condition: Narrates a very hilarious joke that no one gets
---
Do you fit into one of the above categories? Let me know in the comments below, or via IM, or snail mail, or dino mail, or pony express, or just read through this and self-analyze.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Q&A Time: Potholes
Hello again, my confused friends. It's that part of the blog where I answer an imaginary someone's conjured up question pertaining to giant lizards, fleeing bridesmaids, or penguins that are susceptible to being tickled.
Welcome to,
Solution to the problem
One thing you will notice is that each pothole has its own unique shape and depth (fingerprint of the pothole, if you will). Matching this to the corresponding potbellied IT worker, you can find the culprit who has damaged government property (the road). A hefty fine will prevent any such ambitious plans in the future.
Welcome to,
'Hypothetical Questions & Answers'
------------------------------------------------------
Today's question comes from Raj of Generic City, India. He asks,
Q:
Dear Blogger/Vimal/I.I,
Generic City has a lot of tarred roads, and is in general considered a relatively rich city due to the burgeoning IT industry. This service industry has resulted in a very rich middle class. Regardless of how rich the city may seem, come monsoon season, all the roads get battered with potholes.
My question is, who is to blame and how can we help maintain good pothole-free roads?
A:
Dear Raj,
Let me indulge you in a bit of a background story, which will help you understand my later explanation.
As the middle class continues working for a huge chunk of every day by sitting in front of their computer desks, their lack of physical exertion or exercise becomes apparent. They develop what I'd like to call 'Corporate Fat' around their waists. Corporate fattened bellies are different from normal big bellies in that, they resist change to their shape on application of an external physical force.
Reason for your problem.
As the middle class continues working for a huge chunk of every day by sitting in front of their computer desks, their lack of physical exertion or exercise becomes apparent. They develop what I'd like to call 'Corporate Fat' around their waists. Corporate fattened bellies are different from normal big bellies in that, they resist change to their shape on application of an external physical force.
Reason for your problem.
During the rainy season, people tend to spend a lot of time indoors, eating tons of hot fried snacks. This will lead to a general unhealthy feeling, and almost everyone will want to try jogging to lose some weight and be healthy again.
These potbellied people end up going on early morning jogs. If it rains or even drizzles, these joggers tend to slip and fall onto their tummies. This leads to the creation of potholes.
Solution to the problem
One thing you will notice is that each pothole has its own unique shape and depth (fingerprint of the pothole, if you will). Matching this to the corresponding potbellied IT worker, you can find the culprit who has damaged government property (the road). A hefty fine will prevent any such ambitious plans in the future.
Hope this answer has helped. Thank you for mailing in your question.
-----------------------------
That's it folks! If any of you have hypothetical questions you'd like answered, please feel free to trouble me anytime.
Until then, I bid you, vida!
Friday, October 11, 2013
DIY Life Lessons: Redeye
Today we will cover different ways to avoid the dreaded Redeye!
- Make sure your flight time is at a reasonable hour. If the cops take too much time to arrive when you carjack a vehicle on your way to the airport, it's because of heavy traffic. This is the optimum anti-redeye time of travel. Else you'll quickly be arrested, allowing a re-booking of your tickets to a better time
- Using a photo-editing software, color everyone's eyes in the picture completely black, including the whites of their eyes. This will guarantee no red eyes. Also, you might want to hire a priest for exorcisms. I hear possessions are on the rise, if photos are any proof
- Meditate deeply while counting to ten when you get angry. You will no longer see red due to a nerve bursting in your eye, flooding blood all over
- Change your contacts to any other color
- Wash your hands properly after you have poked the eyes of another person suffering from redeye
- If you see the riot police come at you and your friends when protesting the unfair use of pomegranates as a replacement for cherries in cakes, stay away from their pepper spray
- Change the time of when you drive/transport people across borders secretly. Also carry a lot of coffee
We interrupt this session of life lessons, for an advertisement.
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Continuing with our tips...
- Remember to bribe that witch-doctor with whiskey and smoked rat's tail, so there's no redeye curse placed upon you
- Stop acting in 8-bit cartoons, movies and art pieces
- Create a biological weapon that will get rid of all that you're allergic to, on a global scale
- Surround yourself with tons of money and girls/male strippers, while being in a position of unquestionable control over the entire world. This will prevent you from ever feeling sad/unhappy, since we know all these things will drive happiness to you, like a sheepdog herding cattle. No more crying your eyes out and causing a redeye
- Make sure the onions that are to be cut, are allowed to write their autobiographies the previous day. This will prevent them from re-telling their story and making you cry, as they await their execution
- Stop using sand in your eye, since it causes a dry desert-like condition. This easily leads to redeye. Also, use some eye drops to soothe the raging sandstorm that might occur, since wet sand will be best used for creation of sandcastles, or quicksand
... and that's it folks! Stay safe, and follow my tips to see a good life unfold for you.
Random Fact
Did you know that cold-blooded animals and the temperature of their surroundings are linked?
- Living in Sahara-like climatic conditions? Hang two psychoactive toads outside your window. These toads will absorb the heat from the surrounding area, and bring the overall temperature down.In addition, lick these toads to be able to read the entrails of a caribou devouring mushroom. This will make the future as foreseeable as the next post on this blog
- Trying to overthrow that dictator who raised manure production 40 fold? Annoyed that air-freshners are, by law, now available only to the elite? Fear not!
Present the dictator with a Pygmy Constrictor of the Peipper Forests, convincing him it's a 'unique' one-size -fits-all belt. Make sure this is done during the dead of winter and there's a mansion-wide blackout. The cold will make the constrictor motionless (to preserve energy). Once the dictator is in the presence of warmth (close to a fire or out in the sun), the Pygmy Constrictor will literally squeeze the life out of him.
Viva la revolución!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Science: Sneeze Power
What is the power of a simple sneeze?
Before we get to the nitty gritty details of a sneeze, we need to understand what is a sneeze, and how it is generated.
Your body is actually a miniature empire that is always on the move (controlled by the High Neuron Priests of the temple of Brain). It contains soldiers who fight off invading armies, and are always on high alert against spies and infiltrators.
Soldiers present along the Wall of Mucous are The Body's alarm system. Sometimes though, they tend to fall sleep, or get distracted by the beautiful female family members of R.B.Cells. This is forbidden love, but how it came to be so, will be covered in another post. Enemy soldiers usually wait for this opportunity to try and sneak in.
Working
Enemy soldiers keep trying to enter the empire of The Body. Most of them get caught in the smart trap laid by the soldiers in the Margove trees of the Nose Swamps.
However, these defenses are not always fail-safe, and sometimes a large invading force manages to enter the empire.
When overrun, the mystic priests of the temple of Brain call upon their presiding deity of Vaccuumus Airus. This cowardly deity has an inherent fear of the invading army. This God observes which direction the enemy is in as it rises from the ocean. It then faces the other direction and makes a run for it. The force of the sand sprayed backwards by this God as he flees, results in all the enemies being expelled powerfully.
This is what we call a sneeze.
Now that we have the structure of working of a sneeze, imagine harnessing it. Imagine harnessing the combined sneezes of all your fellow country men (and women of course). What could the potential uses of this be? Well, let me list them out, my friends.
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
Before we get to the nitty gritty details of a sneeze, we need to understand what is a sneeze, and how it is generated.
---
StructureYour body is actually a miniature empire that is always on the move (controlled by the High Neuron Priests of the temple of Brain). It contains soldiers who fight off invading armies, and are always on high alert against spies and infiltrators.
Working
Enemy soldiers keep trying to enter the empire of The Body. Most of them get caught in the smart trap laid by the soldiers in the Margove trees of the Nose Swamps.
When overrun, the mystic priests of the temple of Brain call upon their presiding deity of Vaccuumus Airus. This cowardly deity has an inherent fear of the invading army. This God observes which direction the enemy is in as it rises from the ocean. It then faces the other direction and makes a run for it. The force of the sand sprayed backwards by this God as he flees, results in all the enemies being expelled powerfully.
This is what we call a sneeze.
---
Now that we have the structure of working of a sneeze, imagine harnessing it. Imagine harnessing the combined sneezes of all your fellow country men (and women of course). What could the potential uses of this be? Well, let me list them out, my friends.
---
Uses- Biological Warfare: Sprinkle some disease germs and unleash the collective expullsive force of the National Sneezerator.
- Ever-ready Rain: Large scale combined sneezes will alter the pressure system in the nation, drawing in moisture laiden clouds from the sea. When this is blocked by the mountains of giant fish bones piled on by that pirate bear crew everyone's been on the lookout for, it should result in a monsoon of heavy sneezefall.
- National Emergency Siren: Justin Beiber albums invading your country? Is the nation surrounded by twerking GIFs? Fear not! Alert the nation to these calamities, and more, with the help of the Sneeze-iren. This combines the the sound volumes of the whole nation's sneezers, and launches it all at the same time. Everyone is sure to hear it.
- Prevent surveillance: Unleashing the ever dependable Sneezerator in the desert will create a dust cloud. This will prevent satellite surveillance by foreign countries.
- Immigration Control: The main result of the sneeze is to remove foreign bodies. So allowing authorities to randomly fire the public with the Sneezegration Law Gun will automatically blow away only the illegal immigrants and terrorists into neighbouring countries.
- Higher Pardons: The advantageous side effect to using the sneeze theory in protecting the nation, regardless of extreme and brutal force it brings with it, is that it's always followed by a polite 'Excuse me', No nation is resistant to this politeness, and will always result in being 'excused'.
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Stay tuned to this blog, for more exciting Science lessons in the near future.
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
Saves Nine
Tommy: Jeez! I see a tear! I wish my ma was here so she could fix this.
POOF!
A puff of smoke appears out of thin air, blanketing the bright light that seems to be everywhere.
Through the smoke and light, a silhouette walks towards Tommy.
Tommy: Who are you mister?
The stranger steps through the smoke and into full view.
Stranger: I am Pin Man! Master protector of those who are on the verge of embarrassment; companion to those who are about to blow up their enemies; preserver of loose and dangling strands of hair.
Tommy: Is that really you, Pin Man?!
Pin Man (with his hands on his hips): Yes Tommy. And this is Boy Thread, my trusty sidekick.
Boy Thread (waving): Hi there Tommy! What's gotten you all glum, old chum!
Tommy: There's that tear I just noticed. I was hoping my ma was around to help fix it.
Boy Thread (slamming his fist into his open palm): Holy poonal kalyanam* Pin Man!
Pin Man: We don't have time to waste Boy Thread! Quick! Poke me in the eye, and make sure you go right through!
Boy Thread: You got it Pin Man!
Swish!
Boy Thread: Dangit! I missed. Let me try again Pin Man!
Swish!
Boy Thread: I'm sorry Pin Man! I seem off today.
Tommy starts crying.
Pin Man: Get closer Boy Thread. Let me lick you completely. It'll make it easier for you in your next attempt!
Slurrrrp!
Boy Thread: Thank you Pin Man! Let me try again!
Swoosh!
Boy Thread: Holy eye of the torn, Pin Man! I made it!
Pin Man (forefinger tapping on his chin, and Boy Thread dangling from his eye): If my analysis is correct, we should be able to stitch him up in no time. Don't worry Tommy! It's going to be alright! Hold on to my eye socket Boy Thread! Here we go!
Nurse: Doctor. Do you think the strength of the anesthesia administered to Tommy was sufficient? I think he might be gaining consciousness.
Doctor: Nothing to worry about. He should still be pretty groggy, and might even hallucinate. All we have to do is complete stitching him up. A successful appendectomy, don't you think?
There! It's done! Please cut the suture for me, nurse.
*Poonal Kalyanam (thread ceremony), also known as Upanayana, is the initiation ritual for brahmins to symbolize transfer of knowledge
POOF!
A puff of smoke appears out of thin air, blanketing the bright light that seems to be everywhere.
Through the smoke and light, a silhouette walks towards Tommy.
Tommy: Who are you mister?
The stranger steps through the smoke and into full view.
Stranger: I am Pin Man! Master protector of those who are on the verge of embarrassment; companion to those who are about to blow up their enemies; preserver of loose and dangling strands of hair.
Tommy: Is that really you, Pin Man?!
Pin Man (with his hands on his hips): Yes Tommy. And this is Boy Thread, my trusty sidekick.
Boy Thread (waving): Hi there Tommy! What's gotten you all glum, old chum!
Tommy: There's that tear I just noticed. I was hoping my ma was around to help fix it.
Boy Thread (slamming his fist into his open palm): Holy poonal kalyanam* Pin Man!
Pin Man: We don't have time to waste Boy Thread! Quick! Poke me in the eye, and make sure you go right through!
Boy Thread: You got it Pin Man!
Swish!
Boy Thread: Dangit! I missed. Let me try again Pin Man!
Swish!
Boy Thread: I'm sorry Pin Man! I seem off today.
Tommy starts crying.
Pin Man: Get closer Boy Thread. Let me lick you completely. It'll make it easier for you in your next attempt!
Slurrrrp!
Boy Thread: Thank you Pin Man! Let me try again!
Swoosh!
Boy Thread: Holy eye of the torn, Pin Man! I made it!
Pin Man (forefinger tapping on his chin, and Boy Thread dangling from his eye): If my analysis is correct, we should be able to stitch him up in no time. Don't worry Tommy! It's going to be alright! Hold on to my eye socket Boy Thread! Here we go!
---
Nurse: Doctor. Do you think the strength of the anesthesia administered to Tommy was sufficient? I think he might be gaining consciousness.
Doctor: Nothing to worry about. He should still be pretty groggy, and might even hallucinate. All we have to do is complete stitching him up. A successful appendectomy, don't you think?
There! It's done! Please cut the suture for me, nurse.
---
*Poonal Kalyanam (thread ceremony), also known as Upanayana, is the initiation ritual for brahmins to symbolize transfer of knowledge
Unknown Knowledge: Inventions
In this epipost of Unknown Knowledge, we shall tackle famous inventors, their inventions and the circumstances that led to these ground breaking creations.
Inventor: The Wright brothers
Inspiration: The driving force behind this invention is completely attributed to Rhythm & Blues singer, Robert Sylvester Kelly (a.k.a. R. Kelly) and his hit song, 'I Believe I Can Fly'.
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Invention: Ballpoint Pen
Inventor: John Loud
Inspiration: When the whole neighborhood started using his pool, John Loud, contrary to his name, was very meek in trying to dissuade them from using it. So he invented the messy ballpoint pen. He would sneakily drop it into the pool when it was crowded. This would spread a dark blue color, and everyone would be disgusted and get out as quickly as possible.
Also, it could be used to write when not a practical joke device.
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Invention: Automatic Bread Slicer
Inventor: Otto Frederick Rohwedder
Inspiration: Otto hated shuffling cards. Every time there was poker being played, he would be laughed at since he wasn't able to split the cards.
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Invention: AirplaneInventor: The Wright brothers
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Invention: Ballpoint Pen
Inventor: John Loud
Inspiration: When the whole neighborhood started using his pool, John Loud, contrary to his name, was very meek in trying to dissuade them from using it. So he invented the messy ballpoint pen. He would sneakily drop it into the pool when it was crowded. This would spread a dark blue color, and everyone would be disgusted and get out as quickly as possible.
Also, it could be used to write when not a practical joke device.
---
Invention: Automatic Bread Slicer
Inventor: Otto Frederick Rohwedder
Inspiration: Otto hated shuffling cards. Every time there was poker being played, he would be laughed at since he wasn't able to split the cards.
He quickly googled for remedies and suggestions, and found out that getting things automated was the best solution. Hence he made the automated Card Splitter.
However, his friends laughed at that as well, since it was totally useless while playing cards. Frustration mounted as Otto saw it lying unused on the kitchen slab. All that work was for nothing. He flung the closest thing he could grab at the Card Splitter, and voila! The automated bread slicer was created.
---
---
Invention: Gas Mask
---
Invention: Disposable Diaper
Inventor: Marion Donovan
Inspiration: Initially, Marion invented the disposable diaper for her drunk friends and herself for when they went out partying. It would be worn around the face, and prevented the regurgitated content from spilling to the outside world. A couple of drunk mothers started using the diaper around the wrong end of the baby, but it worked as successfully, if not better. Soon this became the standard.
---
Invention: Gas Mask
Inventor: Garrett Morgan
Inspiration:While in school, Garrett Morgan shared a room with a foodie. Every time Garrett Morgan entered his room, it would be filled with hydrogen sulfide-like gases, of varying concentrations. 'Chemistry Experiments!', his roomie would cry out. Due to the constant emissions, Garrett Morgan was unable to sleep, eat, or study in his room anymore. Thence, he created the gas mask.
---
Invention: Mechanical Pencil
Inventor: Tokuji Hayakawa
Inspiration: As a kid, Tokuji Hayakawa wasn't very tall, and was always picked on. Rage drove him to plan revenge. He had to do it without anyone knowing. The best place would be in class. So, he created the mechanical pencil. Using this, he was sure that he could get back at his bullies many clicks at a time. As long as they stayed still, for however long it took him to get the pencil lead to the required length, he'd be able to poke them where it'd hurt the most.
---
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
The Chair
He stood silently, staring at the mirror.
Joseph passed his hand along his chin. His beard was scruffy. His hair was long, maybe even a little too long. He liked it though.
He had lost a little weight. A belt was now required to keep his pants on. His shirt had creases on them. He thought of getting it pressed, then decided against it. Where he was going, it didn't matter. He pulled down the shirt by grabbing the end that surrounded his waist, but left it untucked.
"You got 5 minutes".
The voice gave Joseph a start. He turned to see a familiar face, one he was used to seeing every single day for what felt like forever.
"Do you want to eat that meal now?"
He nodded. No point wasting a meal. Better to go to the chair with a full stomach.
A plate of hot porridge was brought to Joseph. He ate it slowly. His face shriveled up with every spoon. He didn't enjoy porridge, but it wasn't like he had a choice. He ate silently.
"That's enough! It's time."
Joseph placed the spoon on the plate, and chewed what was left in his mouth. The last bit was particularly harder to swallow. He didn't know if it was because of his throat or because... no. It was his throat. It had gone unexpectedly dry.
The door opened, and Joseph was escorted out. Joseph turned around to take just one more look at all that was his. He took a deep breath, then turned and carried on walking.
Joseph felt the weight of his legs with each step he took. He felt time slow down as he looked around him. Bars... wall... bars. It was a familiar pattern. The air seemed pretty stuffy. He passed his hand through his hair slowly.
The party stopped. It was in front of them.
The chair.
The chair that had seen innumerable people who sat on it, never leave the way they had come.
Joseph's heart was thumping so hard, he was sure everyone around could hear it. Not like it mattered. It was only a matter of time.
"I guess he's keen to get started.", Joseph thought to himself as he saw the man standing next to the chair. The man was in his late forties, with a thick mustache. A little too thick for his thin face, in Joesph's opinion.
"Stop looking so morose! If someone saw you right now, they'd think you were going to be electrocuted or something!" shouted Joseph's dad.
"Well, being electrocuted would have been better! I don't understand why I need to go through this!", reacted Joseph in anguish.
"You got a family gathering tonight, and your mother and I will not have you walking around like a caveman. You better sit on that chair and get that hair cut and shave", snapped Joseph's dad.
"Fine!", replied Joseph grumpily. He sat himself on the chair, beside which stood a smiling barber.
Joseph passed his hand along his chin. His beard was scruffy. His hair was long, maybe even a little too long. He liked it though.
He had lost a little weight. A belt was now required to keep his pants on. His shirt had creases on them. He thought of getting it pressed, then decided against it. Where he was going, it didn't matter. He pulled down the shirt by grabbing the end that surrounded his waist, but left it untucked.
"You got 5 minutes".
The voice gave Joseph a start. He turned to see a familiar face, one he was used to seeing every single day for what felt like forever.
"Do you want to eat that meal now?"
He nodded. No point wasting a meal. Better to go to the chair with a full stomach.
A plate of hot porridge was brought to Joseph. He ate it slowly. His face shriveled up with every spoon. He didn't enjoy porridge, but it wasn't like he had a choice. He ate silently.
"That's enough! It's time."
Joseph placed the spoon on the plate, and chewed what was left in his mouth. The last bit was particularly harder to swallow. He didn't know if it was because of his throat or because... no. It was his throat. It had gone unexpectedly dry.
The door opened, and Joseph was escorted out. Joseph turned around to take just one more look at all that was his. He took a deep breath, then turned and carried on walking.
Joseph felt the weight of his legs with each step he took. He felt time slow down as he looked around him. Bars... wall... bars. It was a familiar pattern. The air seemed pretty stuffy. He passed his hand through his hair slowly.
The party stopped. It was in front of them.
The chair.
The chair that had seen innumerable people who sat on it, never leave the way they had come.
Joseph's heart was thumping so hard, he was sure everyone around could hear it. Not like it mattered. It was only a matter of time.
"I guess he's keen to get started.", Joseph thought to himself as he saw the man standing next to the chair. The man was in his late forties, with a thick mustache. A little too thick for his thin face, in Joesph's opinion.
"Stop looking so morose! If someone saw you right now, they'd think you were going to be electrocuted or something!" shouted Joseph's dad.
"Well, being electrocuted would have been better! I don't understand why I need to go through this!", reacted Joseph in anguish.
"You got a family gathering tonight, and your mother and I will not have you walking around like a caveman. You better sit on that chair and get that hair cut and shave", snapped Joseph's dad.
"Fine!", replied Joseph grumpily. He sat himself on the chair, beside which stood a smiling barber.
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Wednesday, October 9, 2013
DIY Life Lessons: Self Defense & Escape
Welcome to my Self Defense lesson against attackers.
Consider this scenario. It's 2AM, and you feel like some road-kill BBQ. But you don't have money to rent a car from that cash-only rental service center. There goes your grand plan to drive over potential dinner.
But wait! You could withdraw money from that ATM no one uses, in that shady part of town no one goes to. What could go wrong? Well, let me tell you what could go wrong. Nothing! Why? Because you're going to follow my tips and tricks!
So here's what you can do to protect yourself.
Use what's in your hands
Use your palm
Consider this scenario. It's 2AM, and you feel like some road-kill BBQ. But you don't have money to rent a car from that cash-only rental service center. There goes your grand plan to drive over potential dinner.
But wait! You could withdraw money from that ATM no one uses, in that shady part of town no one goes to. What could go wrong? Well, let me tell you what could go wrong. Nothing! Why? Because you're going to follow my tips and tricks!
So here's what you can do to protect yourself.
Use what's in your hands
- Have you been gnawing on that bone, trying to get at the marrow for the last 20mins? Time to get rid of it. Stick the bone down the attacker's pants and make use of that high frequency whistle you could never hear
- Make a mess when you apply the lipstick found in your handbag. Bravely walk up to the attacker and offer him a free trial of the best mix of various STDs. Also warn him that he'd have to pay the next time
- If you have platform shoes, place it one on top of the other to create a higher platform. Climb onto it for easy access to the above fire escape.
Alternatively, if you have stilettos, wear it backwards to drastically alter your center of gravity. This is perfect to help you gain access to the above fire escape, since you are now walking up the wall.
Remember: When you knock on the window of the first apartment you come across, don't offer the tenant a free trial of the best mix of various STDs in exchange for a phone call - Carrying an umbrella with you? Perfect! Use the opened
umbrella to latch onto a gust of wind and float away to safety. If movies have taught us anything, it's that Mary Poppins was the finest escape AIRtist.
- Make sure you are stocked on Yo Mama jokes. Unleash them onto the attacker, because everyone knows an attacker's weakness is his mama. By the time he recovers from this onslaught, you'll be miles away
- Does the attacker frustrate you with his bad grammar? This could mean he had dropped out of school pretty early on. Point out the mistake and correct him. Lecture him on the value of education. Then start the belittling by telling him how his life that's worth next-to-nothing, is actually worth nothing. Shame him into submission and get him to bow his head down. At this point, quickly hit him on the back of his head while it's exposed, and knock him out
- Question his intelligence with a couple of lateral thinking puzzles. Then question his intelligence regarding him trying to attack you. He will draw a parallel between the two, and will apologize for his mistake. This is where your brain versus brawn logic triumphs
- Always carry artificial limbs and prosthetic arms. Given the opportunity, throw it at the attacker. This should scare him off at the least.
Alternatively, he could become your devotee, mistaking you for an Indian Goddess due to the sheer number of arms you have at your disposal.
Note: How to get rid of people who worship even the ground you walk on, will be covered in a future post
- The palm can be used to seriously hurt, injure or even deliver death blows if done correctly. Depending on the region, rattan, coconut or betel palm species are best for this purpose. Make sure to always carry a palm tree when you step out
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That's today's lesson ladies. Remember what I taught you. Stay safe, and enjoy your BBQ.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Q&A Time: Unbearable Best Friends
Hello my confused friends. It's that space again in the blog, where I answer a fictional someone's conundrum pertaining to life, technology and cookies. Welcome to,
The question of the space comes from Sam of Crouquette City, who asks,
'Hypothetical Questions & Answers'
------------------------------------------------------
Q:
Dear Blogger/Vimal/I.I,
I have a best friend who's always been there for me, through thick and thin. I know he's always got my back, and we generally have a good time. But of late, he seems to have become annoying. He causes great pain and grief by getting in the way of everything. He acts crazy sometimes.
For instance, I was deeply hurt when he lay passed out in the middle of the street like a drunk hobo. If I wasn't there, he'd probably have been walked over by those busy downtown businessmen. He has let go of himself, and hasn't shaved for ever.
For instance, I was deeply hurt when he lay passed out in the middle of the street like a drunk hobo. If I wasn't there, he'd probably have been walked over by those busy downtown businessmen. He has let go of himself, and hasn't shaved for ever.
We don't see eye to eye these days, and there are occasions where I had to chase him away.
Can you please help me solve this issue?
A:
Dear Sam,
This situation is surprisingly pretty common among big-tailed dogs like you. I suggest you get used to your tail being there.
You could surgically remove it, but look at how weird a doberman is without its tail. Just be more careful around moving objects like cars and people, and ask your owner to trim your fur all over. It must be the heat, after all.
Follow my advice, and you should be fine. Hope I've been able to help you out. Thank you for sending in your question.
---------------------------------------------------
So that's it for now folks. If you have a hypothetical question that needs answering, ask away! Until next time, I bid you, vida!
Story Behind Nursery Rhymes
Jack & Jill - Losing Control Over Life
Jack & Jill were two responsible adults who had decent paying jobs, good set of friends, and a life anyone would love to have. They were leading a good life, but at some point, they began getting bored of the routine and monotony. That's when they decided they wanted to do something different. Unfortunately, that led to an unwanted introduction to crack.
Soon they were hooked. They couldn't spend a day without getting high. Meals made way to crack. Life only seemed to get between sessions of getting high.
To prevent society from knowing this dark secret, they would frequent the desolate subway station, known as 'The Hill', where they would go about satisfying this dangerous craving.
There was a new variant of crack on the streets known as 'H20', which was getting rave reviews from those crack heads who could manage to mumble their pleasure on using it.
The potency of H20 saw Jack & Jill lose their jobs because they couldn't stay off it. Soon enough, Jack was broke having spent all his pounds on attaining H20. As the pail of empty drug packets in the corner started piling up, Jack's bank account and any sign he was earning under the crown, was disappearing.
Out of money and addicted, Jack depended heavily on Jill to get them money so they could get high. Slowly, all the money Jill had saved for their future together was gone as well, and she spiraled into dehumanizing acts to make money.
The end wasn't far from when Jack went broke, and they disappeared soon enough. No one knows what happened to them. To this day, kids are taught the devastating influence of drugs, and especially H20, through the form of a nursery rhyme.
Jack & Jill were two responsible adults who had decent paying jobs, good set of friends, and a life anyone would love to have. They were leading a good life, but at some point, they began getting bored of the routine and monotony. That's when they decided they wanted to do something different. Unfortunately, that led to an unwanted introduction to crack.
Soon they were hooked. They couldn't spend a day without getting high. Meals made way to crack. Life only seemed to get between sessions of getting high.
To prevent society from knowing this dark secret, they would frequent the desolate subway station, known as 'The Hill', where they would go about satisfying this dangerous craving.
There was a new variant of crack on the streets known as 'H20', which was getting rave reviews from those crack heads who could manage to mumble their pleasure on using it.
The potency of H20 saw Jack & Jill lose their jobs because they couldn't stay off it. Soon enough, Jack was broke having spent all his pounds on attaining H20. As the pail of empty drug packets in the corner started piling up, Jack's bank account and any sign he was earning under the crown, was disappearing.
Out of money and addicted, Jack depended heavily on Jill to get them money so they could get high. Slowly, all the money Jill had saved for their future together was gone as well, and she spiraled into dehumanizing acts to make money.
The end wasn't far from when Jack went broke, and they disappeared soon enough. No one knows what happened to them. To this day, kids are taught the devastating influence of drugs, and especially H20, through the form of a nursery rhyme.
The End
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
You & Your Little Ones
There's that little part of you you've seen grow. You never knew growing up so quick was part and parcel of your life, but here we are.
You are about to separate and watch your fingernail go on ahead and find other uses in its life, or rather, after-life of being your fingernail.
To help you decide on how best help your fingernail reach its full potential, I have a list of options for you.
You are about to separate and watch your fingernail go on ahead and find other uses in its life, or rather, after-life of being your fingernail.
To help you decide on how best help your fingernail reach its full potential, I have a list of options for you.
- Stick a bunch of fingernails onto a potato and place it in a pot. This will be your first ever Nailtusto, the 4th cousin of the cactus once removed from the father's side
- Stick cut nails onto a painting of you for absolute realism. That's a million dollar art idea for free!
- Collect years worth of cut nails, and stitch them together to form the ultimate chain-mail, that serves as valuable defense against Aunty Spittle and Cousin Bracey's hugs
- Hate a certain teacher? Spike every classroom chalk piece with a cut nail. Blackboards will never sound the same when you write on it
- Attach it at the end of a foot long stick, and you have yourself an advanced personal back scratcher
- Leave a few fingernails along with a beautiful gift, on the desk of the girl/guy you've been anonymously impressing. DNA analyses will guide that person to you
- Finds strong use in acupuncture
- Use in kids' projects titled 'Puns in Egypt', by having a flowing river made of fingernails.
These are just a few of the uses you can find for your little ones.
Stay together, and stay sharp!
Monday, October 7, 2013
Science: Light & Sound
Proof light travels faster than sound can be seen in everyday situations, such as,
Stay tuned for more wonderful science and life instances.
- When a girl slaps a random guy who pinched her backside, you see the guy's head spin because of the impact, before you hear him cry in pain
- When the same guy jumps the wall of the girl's house in the middle of the night, you see the guard dog bite before the scream and the flight
- The guy's cheeks flushing red with embarrassment is seen before his friends laughter is heard, as they listen to the guy's night adventure
- You see on Facebook that guy changed his status from 'Single' to 'It's Complicated ' thinking that he might actually have a chance at a relationship with that random girl. Then he calls and tells you
Stay tuned for more wonderful science and life instances.
Guide to Running Like a Pro
Follow these easy steps to good health, losing those extra pounds of chicken from last weekend, and that glowing skin from the insurgency of life force.
1. Make sure you are mentally prepared for running.
You spilt some juice on your new shoes?! What is the point you're trying to make? You can't run unless you get those stains out? Fine! Clean it up quick.
You've been at it for 30mins now! Sigh! It's too late now. Let's try again tomorrow.
2. Wake up early.
Wake up! Wake up! What do you mean you forgot to put the alarm? Sheesh! Just... fine! Tomorrow!
3. Get plenty of sleep!
It's 5:30 in the A.M, and I'm glad you're up... sort of. Huh? So what if you slept only 7.5 hours?!
You need a solid 8 hours of sleep, because you don't want to start the jog tired? What kind of logic is that? Fine! Tomorrow!
4. Drink tons of water hours before you run.
What's your excuse this morning, that you forgot to drink water the previous day? No wait. You're saying you're feeling dehydrated because you peed all the water you drank last night? Oh My God! Fine! Let's try this again the next day. Don't forget to drink just enough water this time.
5. Maintain rhythmic breathing.
NO! Yawning constantly does not count as rhythmic breathing. Show some... hey! Where are you heading? You're going in the wrong direction! Stop! You're running...oh. You're running home to bed. WT...!
6. Maintain a steady pace.
You're finally out and running. Or rather jogging. Well, maybe it isn't exactly a jog, but more like a brisk walk. Strike that. It's an evening stroll. Well, just do a good job at it, will you? Try maintaining that pace. What are you doing?! Don't stop! You just started walking! Dognabit! Alright! FINE! Think your way to good health. I give up! You just don't want to jog. Why don't you go play some Wii Sport then, won't you?
1. Make sure you are mentally prepared for running.
You spilt some juice on your new shoes?! What is the point you're trying to make? You can't run unless you get those stains out? Fine! Clean it up quick.
You've been at it for 30mins now! Sigh! It's too late now. Let's try again tomorrow.
2. Wake up early.
Wake up! Wake up! What do you mean you forgot to put the alarm? Sheesh! Just... fine! Tomorrow!
3. Get plenty of sleep!
It's 5:30 in the A.M, and I'm glad you're up... sort of. Huh? So what if you slept only 7.5 hours?!
You need a solid 8 hours of sleep, because you don't want to start the jog tired? What kind of logic is that? Fine! Tomorrow!
4. Drink tons of water hours before you run.
What's your excuse this morning, that you forgot to drink water the previous day? No wait. You're saying you're feeling dehydrated because you peed all the water you drank last night? Oh My God! Fine! Let's try this again the next day. Don't forget to drink just enough water this time.
5. Maintain rhythmic breathing.
NO! Yawning constantly does not count as rhythmic breathing. Show some... hey! Where are you heading? You're going in the wrong direction! Stop! You're running...oh. You're running home to bed. WT...!
6. Maintain a steady pace.
You're finally out and running. Or rather jogging. Well, maybe it isn't exactly a jog, but more like a brisk walk. Strike that. It's an evening stroll. Well, just do a good job at it, will you? Try maintaining that pace. What are you doing?! Don't stop! You just started walking! Dognabit! Alright! FINE! Think your way to good health. I give up! You just don't want to jog. Why don't you go play some Wii Sport then, won't you?
5 Job Interview Tips
1. Do Your Research
2. Practice Your Answers
One thing interviewers look for are consistent answers. So make sure you know your answers like the back of your hand, regardless of the questions. The questions are just methods to hear your answers, and if you are ready with your answers already, the questions or their order are irrelevant.
3. Look The Part
If you've been unemployed for a few months, make sure you have a stubble, torn clothes, and you don't shower for a week in advance. Looking the part might drive the interviewers to hire you, after all, emotions are the strongest feelings that are evaluated in an interview.
If you are interviewing with another company while you are already employed, then make sure to look disinterested and morose (like you've been forced to attend this interview). Nothing screams quality like a disinterested potential employee.
4. Stay Calm
So nothing has worked in your favor so far. Pygmies don't wear shoes, and potatoes are more fried than electrified. All is not lost yet.
Stay calm and remember the adage,
Calmness exudes from within, so smile the smile that can be seen from a mile.
All questions from that point forward can be answered with a smile, and make eye to eye contact.
5. Ask Questions
The last part of the interview. This is the get-to-know-your-interviewer stage. This is when you get to ask your interviewer(s) about their personal life.
- Is this the best blog post regarding tips on how to ace your interview?
- Does the company encourage the use of potatoes for electricity?
- How often do wild pygmies feel the need to divorce their partners in exchange for shoes?
- If rainbows exist, where are the mistarrows?
- What are the similarities between marauding pyjamas and hypnotic leaves of cotton candy?
2. Practice Your Answers
One thing interviewers look for are consistent answers. So make sure you know your answers like the back of your hand, regardless of the questions. The questions are just methods to hear your answers, and if you are ready with your answers already, the questions or their order are irrelevant.
3. Look The Part
If you've been unemployed for a few months, make sure you have a stubble, torn clothes, and you don't shower for a week in advance. Looking the part might drive the interviewers to hire you, after all, emotions are the strongest feelings that are evaluated in an interview.If you are interviewing with another company while you are already employed, then make sure to look disinterested and morose (like you've been forced to attend this interview). Nothing screams quality like a disinterested potential employee.
4. Stay Calm
So nothing has worked in your favor so far. Pygmies don't wear shoes, and potatoes are more fried than electrified. All is not lost yet.
Stay calm and remember the adage,Calmness exudes from within, so smile the smile that can be seen from a mile.
All questions from that point forward can be answered with a smile, and make eye to eye contact.
5. Ask Questions
The last part of the interview. This is the get-to-know-your-interviewer stage. This is when you get to ask your interviewer(s) about their personal life.
- What is their exact address?
- Do they live alone, and if not, who else lives with them?
- Is security in their neighborhood lax?
- How about their doors and windows? How easy is it to enter the house through them?
- What is their take on stalkers and people who watch them while they sleep?
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That's it! You should be all set! And congratulations in advance on your new job as a 'Generalist Stalker with Random & Strange Knowledge'.
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Random Call-to-Arms!
Dear idli-eaters and vada-dealers,
Hear me good and hear me well.
Pani-puri makers and mallu bakers,
Rise to the top with what you sell.
India is rising like a chapatti.
Rupee value is dropping like an unfolding lungi,
Wives are being measured by their gold.
But wait! But hold!
We are growing,
We are off-shoring.
There's lesser road side pee,
And more malls of A/C.
There's a market for everyone,
Regardless of the international shun.
Join hands entrepreneurs and money-launderers,
For turning black money to white is fun!
We have the politicians,
Who'll resist the oncoming change, and some.
Bribe is a way of life,
Don't trust someone who won't accept one.
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
Song Interpretation
Alright children. Today I'm interpreting the lyrics of the song,
'What I am', by Edie Brickell.
Hold onto your monitors, 'coz it's going to be a less than pleasant read.
'L' stands for the lyrics/line, while 'I' stands for the interpretation.
===================================
L: I'm not aware of too many things
I: These lines indicate one specific thing. If you follow the right path, the cycle of infinite births can be broken by the present, as clearly mentioned by the non-repeating word 'IS' in the first line.
L: Religion is a light in the fog
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
'What I am', by Edie Brickell.
Hold onto your monitors, 'coz it's going to be a less than pleasant read.
'L' stands for the lyrics/line, while 'I' stands for the interpretation.
===================================
L: I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean
I: This line of the song definitely indicates a deeper understanding of oneself. Think about it. If you admit you don't know everything, you are admitting you have a long way to go since you are aware of the vast knowledge that exists, and you are just a man standing on the shore of the sea of knowledge.
I: This line of the song definitely indicates a deeper understanding of oneself. Think about it. If you admit you don't know everything, you are admitting you have a long way to go since you are aware of the vast knowledge that exists, and you are just a man standing on the shore of the sea of knowledge.
But then, she mentions the lack of awareness. So it might indicate she doesn't know about the expanse of knowledge.
Summary: So, yeah. I don't know what you mean by what you mean.
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L: Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box
I: Cereal boxes are not to be taken lightly. The composition of cereal boxes are complex. They could be made of virgin cardboard/paper, or recycled. Why, you could even have a mix of both. And we haven't even ventured into the volume that the cereal box can contain. The potential of this is endless.
Summary: The topic of philosophy is deep and expansive, with that very same effect on the mind, when we indulge in it.
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L: Religion is the smile on a dog
I: Dogs smiling are not a good sign. Humans smiling, and animals smiling never convey the same emotion. Humans smiling (more often than not) convey friendliness. Animals smiling is more like a warning, a grimace even. They serve as a forerunner of bad things to happen if we continue to tread on the same path.
Summary: Religion warns us of dangers that lie ahead and helps prevent bad things from happening to us, IF we interpret it right.
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L: What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?
Are you what you are or what?
I: These lines indicate one specific thing. If you follow the right path, the cycle of infinite births can be broken by the present, as clearly mentioned by the non-repeating word 'IS' in the first line.
The second line gives us insight into how we can break this cycle of birth and rebirth, and that is, what are you is what you are is what are you, or is it?
Summary: Break the circle of infinite births by going the other way. Do things that you wouldn't normally do for the good of yourself and others.
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L: Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks
I: When has walking on slippery rocks ever been easy? Well, only when you have walked on many slippery rocks and actually do it for fun now.
Summary: Philosophy is a lot of fun, especially when you know what you're talking about. You get to watch other not-so-experienced ones slip up and hurt their pride.
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L: Religion is a light in the fog
I: Light in the fog is pretty surreal, but can also be deadly. You see the light and presume it's safe to drive in that direction, but BAM! You just drove over the cliff, following the light you saw from the nearby lighthouse.
Summary: Religion is a blueprint, a general direction you can follow. Interpret it wrong, or follow it blindly, and it can lead to some serious pain.
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L: Choke me in the shallow water
Before I get too deep
Before I get too deep
Don't let me get too deep
I: This is clearly the lyricist telling me, and you, my dear readers, that this song isn't meant to be interpreted. If you're over-analyzing this, then you're pretty much killing yourself. So stop right now before you do any analyses.
Summary: The song is not meant to be interpreted. The fact I read this disclaimer so late into the analyses will probably break me, way more than 10 years of solitary confinement will.
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Delirium
Pssst!
Who.. What?
Hey man! I got something for you.
I... err... I'm not interested.
I think you would be, if you only come this way.
Ahem! Who are you exactly?
Those are details that don't matter. What matters now is I make your life better. Follow me into this dark alley way.
Hello Brain? Could you help me out here? Should I follow this mysterious and creepy stranger into this dark alley?
(hic)! Sure! What could go wrong? As your superior intellect, I say go ahead! YOLO biyaaatch!
(hic)!
Damnit! I don't think I should even bother listening to...
I SAID YOLO (hic)! Don't piss me off! I could black out if you make me work... I'm warning you!
Hey bud! You coming?
Yeah yeah! Coming!
========================
Pretty much how I imagine my super smart pills killing off those inebriated bacteria and germs that are making me sick.
Who.. What?
Hey man! I got something for you.
I... err... I'm not interested.
I think you would be, if you only come this way.
Ahem! Who are you exactly?
Those are details that don't matter. What matters now is I make your life better. Follow me into this dark alley way.
Hello Brain? Could you help me out here? Should I follow this mysterious and creepy stranger into this dark alley?
(hic)!
Damnit! I don't think I should even bother listening to...
I SAID YOLO (hic)! Don't piss me off! I could black out if you make me work
Hey bud! You coming?
Yeah yeah! Coming!
========================
Pretty much how I imagine my super smart pills killing off those inebriated bacteria and germs that are making me sick.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Irony
Sean Connery said 'never again' would he act in a Bond movie, after he had done 'You Only Live Twice'.
Well, I guess you should...
...'Never Say Never Again'.
Well, I guess you should...
...'Never Say Never Again'.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Medusa's Final Resting Place Found
In a slightly disturbing, yet beautiful series of photos, Nick Brandt introduces us to the surreal presence of Lake Natron in Tanzania.
More than the actual skeletons, I am more disturbed by the fact that Nick Brandt actually places the animals in specific poses to take pictures of them.
Let me leave you with a couple of pics below.
Remember, all the pics are copyrighted, and belong to Nick Brandt. I have no rights over them, and definitely not distributing them.
More than the actual skeletons, I am more disturbed by the fact that Nick Brandt actually places the animals in specific poses to take pictures of them.
Let me leave you with a couple of pics below.
Remember, all the pics are copyrighted, and belong to Nick Brandt. I have no rights over them, and definitely not distributing them.
Sacrilege? Let me Google that...
With this kind of proof, it's hard to not see the light.
Ladies & gentlemen, presenting to you straight out of the infinity pool known as the internet,
Googlism
Ladies & gentlemen, presenting to you straight out of the infinity pool known as the internet,
Googlism
Saturday, August 10, 2013
The Return of the Slacker
Well, it's been a while. You know how it is with work, life, work, and everything you can try to fit in-between. I've decided to try sticking to blogging as much as I can. Facebook, twitter, LinkedIn don't just cut it. Blogging is where it is at... until it gets outdated.
I have finally planned to head back to the mother land after a 6 year stint in the other land of the Indians (to be PC, Native Americans), and that means only one thing...
...I'll have to ask someone the way to the closest 'Desi' store when I'm home.
I have finally planned to head back to the mother land after a 6 year stint in the other land of the Indians (to be PC, Native Americans), and that means only one thing...
...I'll have to ask someone the way to the closest 'Desi' store when I'm home.
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