Showing posts with label culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label culture. Show all posts

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Unknown Knowledge: Extinct Animals

Today we'll analyze the extinction of birds and animals, and the controversial circumstances leading to their disappearance.

---

Name: Tasmanian Tigers
Method: Specicide; Extermination
Controversial Level



Controversy: In 1936, all the Tasmanian Tigers rallied together to defend their rights against the specism exercised by the Kangaroos Jumping Party and the newcomers, the Dingoes.
Many attempts were made by the ruling mammals and marsupials in curbing this Tasmanian Tiger uprising, but the movement was gaining momentum.
However, all the Tasmanian Tigers suddenly disappeared by the end of the very same year. Since then, various agencies and reporters have tried to uncover the dark truth begind these disappearances, resulting in their disappearances as well. Hence, there will be no further insight into this report.

Fun Fact: Some Tasmanian Tigers thought they were actually related to tigers. Unfortunately for them, on a visit to meet tigers to strengthen their movement, they weren't greeted with the same level of enthusiasm and were sent home in doggy bags.

---

Name: Quaggas
Method: Exploitation
Controversial Level



Controversy: Quaggas were the not-so-smart members of the zebra family, and therefore, were heavily picked on. They were made to do all the menial jobs, and often cheated out of their fair share.
The use of the quaggas as zebra shield against predators were kept out of the news until it was too late. Often the quaggas would be made to stand right at the outer periphery of the herd, so that their bland pattern would stick out like a sore thumb. This made the quaggas easy prey for predators to pick out of the crowd.
In 1883, the last quagga gave up her life for the greater good of the herd.

Fun Fact: Quaggas would often fool zebra females into bed, by approaching them head-on. Conspiracy theorists claim that the resultant offspring was made to shun its quagga heritage, and got absorbed completely into the zebra family.

---

Name: Passenger Pigeon
Method: Addiction; Substance abuse
Controversial Level:



Controversy: Passenger Pigeons were considered the gypsies of the bird world. They traveled in large numbers, and everywhere they went, they caused chaos and destruction through white wash. Tired with their behaviour, the American Birds Conglomeration (ABC), decided to exploit Passenger Pigeons' one weakness... bird seeds.
The ABC spiked bird seeds with alcohol, and started selling it to the adults for cheap. They also hooked youngsters onto pure and unadulterated bird seeds in powdered form. One led to the other, and soon the Passenger Pigeons were completely addicted.
One by one, Passenger Pigeons were no longer traveling as passengers to different parts of the continent, and had stayed put for way too long. By 1914, the last passenger pigeon became an ordinary pigeon, staying away from the eyes of bird society... still subjecting itself to substance abuse.

Fun Fact: Unreliable reports have it that some Passenger Pigeons have made it onto the board of the ABC, and now getting all the other members addicted to the very same illegal bird seeds.

---

Name: The Golden Toads
Method: Statelessness
Controversy Level



Controversy: Golden Toads epitomized peace in Costa Rica. They were a living icon of jungle peace and inter-animal harmony. Unfortunately, their refusal to move from their habitat, containing rich varieties of bugs, prompted other toads and frogs to forcefully take over their pond and shores. The outsiders soon starting torturing the Golden Toads, and cut off their magic mushroom supply causing them to stop glowing.
Unable to bear this kind of treatment, in 1989 the Golden Toads left their habitat under the cover of dampness, and sought refuge in various other ponds and marshes. These refugees have now disappeared completely, and even if they were found, they have no identity or habitat to call their own.

Fun Fact: The Doors have a song dedicated to the Golden Toads, except they mistook them for frogs.

---

Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Q&A Time: Potholes

Hello again, my confused friends. It's that part of the blog where I answer an imaginary someone's conjured up question pertaining to giant lizards, fleeing bridesmaids, or penguins that are susceptible to being tickled.
Welcome to,

'Hypothetical Questions & Answers'
------------------------------------------------------

Today's question comes from Raj of Generic City, India. He asks,

Q:
Dear Blogger/Vimal/I.I,
Generic City has a lot of tarred roads, and is in general considered a relatively rich city due to the burgeoning IT industry. This service industry has resulted in a very rich middle class. Regardless of how rich the city may seem, come monsoon season, all the roads get battered with potholes.

My question is, who is to blame and how can we help maintain good pothole-free roads?

A:
Dear Raj,
Let me indulge you in a bit of a background story, which will help you understand my later explanation.
As the middle class continues working for a huge chunk of every day by sitting in front of their computer desks, their lack of physical exertion or exercise becomes apparent. They develop what I'd like to call 'Corporate Fat' around their waists. Corporate fattened bellies are different from normal big bellies in that, they resist change to their shape on application of an external physical force.

Reason for your problem. 
During the rainy season, people tend to spend a lot of time indoors, eating tons of hot fried snacks. This will lead to a general unhealthy feeling, and almost everyone will want to try jogging to lose some weight and be healthy again.
These potbellied people end up going on early morning jogs. If it rains or even drizzles, these joggers tend to slip and fall onto their tummies. This leads to the creation of potholes.

Solution to the problem
One thing you will notice is that each pothole has its own unique shape and depth (fingerprint of the pothole, if you will). Matching this to the corresponding potbellied IT worker, you can find the culprit who has damaged government property (the road). A hefty fine will prevent any such ambitious plans in the future.

Hope this answer has helped. Thank you for mailing in your question.

-----------------------------

That's it folks! If any of you have hypothetical questions you'd like answered, please feel free to trouble me anytime. 
Until then, I bid you, vida!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Saves Nine

Tommy: Jeez! I see a tear! I wish my ma was here so she could fix this.

POOF!

A puff of smoke appears out of thin air, blanketing the bright light that seems to be everywhere.
Through the smoke and light, a silhouette walks towards Tommy.

Tommy: Who are you mister?

The stranger steps through the smoke and into full view.

Stranger: I am Pin Man! Master protector of those who are on the verge of embarrassment; companion to those who are about to blow up their enemies; preserver of loose and dangling strands of hair.

Tommy: Is that really you, Pin Man?!

Pin Man (with his hands on his hips): Yes Tommy. And this is Boy Thread, my trusty sidekick.

Boy Thread (waving): Hi there Tommy! What's gotten you all glum, old chum!

Tommy: There's that tear I just noticed. I was hoping my ma was around to help fix it.

Boy Thread (slamming his fist into his open palm): Holy poonal kalyanam* Pin Man!

Pin Man: We don't have time to waste Boy Thread! Quick! Poke me in the eye, and make sure you go right through!

Boy Thread: You got it Pin Man! 

Swish!

Boy Thread: Dangit! I missed. Let me try again Pin Man!

Swish!

Boy Thread: I'm sorry Pin Man! I seem off today.

Tommy starts crying.

Pin Man: Get closer Boy Thread. Let me lick you completely. It'll make it easier for you in your next attempt!

Slurrrrp!

Boy Thread: Thank you Pin Man! Let me try again!

Swoosh!

Boy Thread: Holy eye of the torn, Pin Man! I made it!

Pin Man (forefinger tapping on his chin, and Boy Thread dangling from his eye): If my analysis is correct, we should be able to stitch him up in no time. Don't worry Tommy! It's going to be alright! Hold on to my eye socket Boy Thread! Here we go!

---

Nurse: Doctor. Do you think the strength of the anesthesia administered to Tommy was sufficient? I think he might be gaining consciousness.

Doctor: Nothing to worry about. He should still be pretty groggy, and might even hallucinate. All we have to do is complete stitching him up. A successful appendectomy, don't you think?
There! It's done! Please cut the suture for me, nurse.

---


*Poonal Kalyanam (thread ceremony), also known as Upanayana, is the initiation ritual for brahmins to symbolize transfer of knowledge

The Chair

He stood silently, staring at the mirror.

Joseph passed his hand along his chin. His beard was scruffy. His hair was long, maybe even a little too long. He liked it though.

He had lost a little weight. A belt was now required to keep his pants on. His shirt had creases on them. He thought of getting it pressed, then decided against it. Where he was going, it didn't matter. He pulled down the shirt by grabbing the end that surrounded his waist, but left it untucked.

"You got 5 minutes".

The voice gave Joseph a start. He turned to see a familiar face, one he was used to seeing every single day for what felt like forever.

"Do you want to eat that meal now?"

He nodded. No point wasting a meal. Better to go to the chair with a full stomach.

A plate of hot porridge was brought to Joseph. He ate it slowly. His face shriveled up with every spoon. He didn't enjoy porridge, but it wasn't like he had a choice. He ate silently.

"That's enough! It's time."

Joseph placed the spoon on the plate, and chewed what was left in his mouth. The last bit was particularly harder to swallow. He didn't know if it was because of his throat or because... no. It was his throat. It had gone unexpectedly dry.

The door opened, and Joseph was escorted out. Joseph turned around to take just one more look at all that was his. He took a deep breath, then turned and carried on walking.

Joseph felt the weight of his legs with each step he took. He felt time slow down as he looked around him. Bars... wall... bars. It was a familiar pattern. The air seemed pretty stuffy. He passed his hand through his hair slowly.

The party stopped. It was in front of them.

The chair.

The chair that had seen innumerable people who sat on it, never leave the way they had come.

Joseph's heart was thumping so hard, he was sure everyone around could hear it. Not like it mattered. It was only a matter of time.

"I guess he's keen to get started.", Joseph thought to himself as he saw the man standing next to the chair. The man was in his late forties, with a thick mustache. A little too thick for his thin face, in Joesph's opinion.

"Stop looking so morose! If someone saw you right now, they'd think you were going to be electrocuted or something!" shouted Joseph's dad.

"Well, being electrocuted would have been better! I don't understand why I need to go through this!", reacted Joseph in anguish.

"You got a family gathering tonight, and your mother and I will not have you walking around like a caveman. You better sit on that chair and get that hair cut and shave", snapped Joseph's dad.

"Fine!", replied Joseph grumpily. He sat himself on the chair, beside which stood a smiling barber.


-------------


Saturday, August 10, 2013

The Return of the Slacker

Well, it's been a while. You know how it is with work, life, work, and everything you can try to fit in-between. I've decided to try sticking to blogging as much as I can. Facebook, twitter, LinkedIn don't just cut it. Blogging is where it is at... until it gets outdated.

I have finally planned to head back to the mother land after a 6 year stint in the other land of the Indians (to be PC, Native Americans), and that means only one thing...

...I'll have to ask someone the way to the closest 'Desi' store when I'm home.



Monday, March 1, 2010

Being Indian...very Indian

There are lots of things we overlook while in India because it's considered normal. It's only when you travel abroad do they surface. The example that comes right off the bat is the famous Indian head shake.

Reason for the head shake being famous: Same action signifies approval and disapproval, and is usually accompanied by silence which doesn't help the cause.

So how did this come into our culture? I am pretty sure our great great grand parents never shook their heads. They were way too proud to have a vague shake like that This was definitely a recent development, maybe even in our parent's generation. I would like to postulate a theory.

Stevie Wonder.