10 Types of Social Comics... and lots more!

Greetings dear visitors traversing this small corner of the interwebs! Stay a little longer and read a little quicker, and you'll have a better understanding of the different social comics that exist out there.

Without much ado, here they are!

---

The Self-Motivator
Symptoms: Enthusiastic, charismatic, pitiful
Condition: Once the joke concludes, the only person laughing is the one telling the joke

• Extreme Case: TV Ads State
  Symptoms: Easily amused, excited, not capable of providing a summary
  Condition: Interrupts the story telling on a regular basis with peals of laughter. Horrible narration results in only narrator finding the joke funny

---

The Poker Player
Symptoms: Serious, intelligent, scary
Condition: Runs the joke with a straight face. Sometimes causes mass silence since no one knows if it's a joke or life as it happened.

---

The Comeback King/Queen

Symptoms: quiet, active listener, can switch target of laughter quickly
Condition: Usually quiet unless targeted, and usually retorts in such a way that the attacker is left embarrassed

• Derivative: The Crossbow
  Symptoms: Alert, jovial, fox-like
  Condition: At opportune moments, fires a one-liner that cracks up everyone around.
• Antonym: The Self Proclaimed Comeback King/Queen
  Symptoms: loud, determined, not funny
  Condition: Impatient to retort, and is usually funny only in that person's mind. Also, destroys the mood at the moment because of that person's perseverance in trying to be the King/Queen of comebacks

---

The Tolkien

Symptoms: a talker, hyper active, dreamer
Condition: Converts even the simplest incidences into a whirlwind trilogy of love, betrayal, and power

• Sidekick: The Quick Starter
  Symptoms: Enthusiastic, brilliant memory, supportive
  Condition: In an attempt to stay relevant, always starts off or brings up a joke or incident, but asks The Tolkien to complete it.
• Derivative: The Peter Jackson
  Symptoms: Vivid imagination, animated, loud
  Condition: The physically animated retelling of The Tolkien narration, with verbal sound effects

---

The Teacher
Symptoms: listener, jovial, egoistic
Condition: Chips in with actual facts and corrects the narrator when he exaggerates or makes a mistake

---

El Bully
Symptoms: extrovert, animated, hogs the limelight
Condition: Not only does this person physically put down his target by thumping the shoulders with a heavy blow, but his jokes embarrass the other person in the front of the crowd as well

---

Potpourri 
Symptoms: smart, open-minded, funny sometimes
Condition: Is a mix of all the types of social comics

• Antonym: The Inspired
  Symptoms: loud, determined, not funny
  Condition: Imitates word-to-word & action-by-action the narration by the original

---

Kamikaze Specialist
Symptoms: naive, well-meaning, silly
Condition: Joins in the fun of belittling a targeted person of a joke, only to end up always saying something unwittingly silly, that switches the spotlight onto him/her.

---

The Native
Symptoms: enthusiastic, listens, insecure
Condition: In an attempt to be funny, says an inside joke that would probably be understood only by one person in a group of ten or more 

---

Coattail Rider
Symptoms: alert, jovial, unoriginal
Condition: Chips in with a word or short sentence during the telling of a very funny joke. Ends up being considered funny as well

• Arch Nemesis: End Credits
  Symptoms: Enthusiastic, impatient, selfish
  Condition: Shouts out the punch line early on in the joke, regardless of whether anyone else has heard it or not.

---

The Ghoul
Symptoms: enthusiastic, persistent, talkative
Condition: Says the worst form of jokes that invoke only moans and groans from the listeners

---

The Lightning
Symptoms: quiet, intense, partly poker faced
Condition: Narrates a hilarious joke that no one gets initially. When it does hit, it results in mass laughter and stomach cramps

• Extreme Delay Response: The Socrates
  Symptoms: quiet, intense, partly poker faced
  Condition: Narrates a very hilarious joke that no one gets

---

Do you fit into one of the above categories? Let me know in the comments below, or via IM, or snail mail, or dino mail, or pony express, or just read through this and self-analyze.

Saves Nine

Tommy: Jeez! I see a tear! I wish my ma was here so she could fix this.

POOF!

A puff of smoke appears out of thin air, blanketing the bright light that seems to be everywhere.
Through the smoke and light, a silhouette walks towards Tommy.

Tommy: Who are you mister?

The stranger steps through the smoke and into full view.

Stranger: I am Pin Man! Master protector of those who are on the verge of embarrassment; companion to those who are about to blow up their enemies; preserver of loose and dangling strands of hair.

Tommy: Is that really you, Pin Man?!

Pin Man (with his hands on his hips): Yes Tommy. And this is Boy Thread, my trusty sidekick.

Boy Thread (waving): Hi there Tommy! What's gotten you all glum, old chum!

Tommy: There's that tear I just noticed. I was hoping my ma was around to help fix it.

Boy Thread (slamming his fist into his open palm): Holy poonal kalyanam* Pin Man!

Pin Man: We don't have time to waste Boy Thread! Quick! Poke me in the eye, and make sure you go right through!

Boy Thread: You got it Pin Man! 

Swish!

Boy Thread: Dangit! I missed. Let me try again Pin Man!

Swish!

Boy Thread: I'm sorry Pin Man! I seem off today.

Tommy starts crying.

Pin Man: Get closer Boy Thread. Let me lick you completely. It'll make it easier for you in your next attempt!

Slurrrrp!

Boy Thread: Thank you Pin Man! Let me try again!

Swoosh!

Boy Thread: Holy eye of the torn, Pin Man! I made it!

Pin Man (forefinger tapping on his chin, and Boy Thread dangling from his eye): If my analysis is correct, we should be able to stitch him up in no time. Don't worry Tommy! It's going to be alright! Hold on to my eye socket Boy Thread! Here we go!

---

Nurse: Doctor. Do you think the strength of the anesthesia administered to Tommy was sufficient? I think he might be gaining consciousness.

Doctor: Nothing to worry about. He should still be pretty groggy, and might even hallucinate. All we have to do is complete stitching him up. A successful appendectomy, don't you think?
There! It's done! Please cut the suture for me, nurse.

---

*Poonal Kalyanam (thread ceremony), also known as Upanayana, is the initiation ritual for brahmins to symbolize transfer of knowledge

You & Your Little Ones

There's that little part of you you've seen grow. You never knew growing up so quick was part and parcel of your life, but here we are.
You are about to separate and watch your fingernail go on ahead and find other uses in its life, or rather, after-life of being your fingernail.
To help you decide on how best help your fingernail reach its full potential, I have a list of options for you.

• Stick a bunch of fingernails onto a potato and place it in a pot. This will be your first ever Nailtusto, the 4th cousin of the cactus once removed from the father's side
• Stick cut nails onto a painting of you for absolute realism. That's a million dollar art idea for free!
• Collect years worth of cut nails, and stitch them together to form the ultimate chain-mail, that serves as valuable defense against Aunty Spittle and Cousin Bracey's hugs
• Hate a certain teacher? Spike every classroom chalk piece with a cut nail. Blackboards will never sound the same when you write on it
• Attach it at the end of a foot long stick, and you have yourself an advanced personal back scratcher
• Leave a few fingernails along with a beautiful gift, on the desk of the girl/guy you've been anonymously impressing. DNA analyses will guide that person to you
• Finds strong use in acupuncture 
• Use in kids' projects titled 'Puns in Egypt', by having a flowing river made of fingernails.

These are just a few of the uses you can find for your little ones. 

Stay together, and stay sharp!

Guide to Running Like a Pro

Follow these easy steps to good health, losing those extra pounds of chicken from last weekend, and that glowing skin from the insurgency of life force.

1. Make sure you are mentally prepared for running.
You spilt some juice on your new shoes?! What is the point you're trying to make? You can't run unless you get those stains out? Fine! Clean it up quick.
You've been at it for 30mins now! Sigh! It's too late now. Let's try again tomorrow.

2. Wake up early.
Wake up! Wake up! What do you mean you forgot to put the alarm? Sheesh! Just... fine! Tomorrow!

3. Get plenty of sleep! 
It's 5:30 in the A.M, and I'm glad you're up... sort of. Huh? So what if you slept only 7.5 hours?! 
You need a solid 8 hours of sleep, because you don't want to start the jog tired? What kind of logic is that? Fine! Tomorrow!

4. Drink tons of water hours before you run.
What's your excuse this morning, that you forgot to drink water the previous day? No wait. You're saying you're feeling dehydrated because you peed all the water you drank last night? Oh My God! Fine! Let's try this again the next day. Don't forget to drink just enough water this time.

5. Maintain rhythmic breathing.
NO! Yawning constantly does not count as rhythmic breathing. Show some... hey! Where are you heading? You're going in the wrong direction! Stop! You're running...oh. You're running home to bed. WT...! 

6. Maintain a steady pace.
You're finally out and running. Or rather jogging. Well, maybe it isn't exactly a jog, but more like a brisk walk. Strike that. It's an evening stroll. Well, just do a good job at it, will you? Try maintaining that pace. What are you doing?! Don't stop! You just started walking! Dognabit! Alright! FINE! Think your way to good health. I give up! You just don't want to jog. Why don't you go play some Wii Sport then, won't you?

Random Call-to-Arms!

Dear idli-eaters and vada-dealers,

Hear me good and hear me well.

Pani-puri makers and mallu bakers,

Rise to the top with what you sell.

India is rising like a chapatti.

Rupee value is dropping like an unfolding lungi,

Wives are being measured by their gold.

But wait! But hold!

We are growing,

We are off-shoring.

There's lesser road side pee,

And more malls of A/C.

There's a market for everyone,

Regardless of the international shun.

Join hands entrepreneurs and money-launderers,

For turning black money to white is fun!

We have the politicians,

Who'll resist the oncoming change, and some.

Bribe is a way of life,

Don't trust someone who won't accept one.

Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.

Song Interpretation

Alright children. Today I'm interpreting the lyrics of the song, 
'What I am', by Edie Brickell. 

Hold onto your monitors, 'coz it's going to be a less than pleasant read.

'L' stands for the lyrics/line, while 'I' stands for the interpretation.
===================================
L: I'm not aware of too many things

I know what I know, if you know what I mean

I: This line of the song definitely indicates a deeper understanding of oneself. Think about it. If you admit you don't know everything, you are admitting you have a long way to go since you are aware of the vast knowledge that exists, and you are just a man standing on the shore of the sea of knowledge.

But then, she mentions the lack of awareness. So it might indicate she doesn't know about the expanse of knowledge.

Summary: So, yeah. I don't know what you mean by what you mean.

---

L: Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box

I: Cereal boxes are not to be taken lightly. The composition of cereal boxes are complex. They could be made of virgin cardboard/paper, or recycled. Why, you could even have a mix of both. And we haven't even ventured into the volume that the cereal box can contain. The potential of this is endless. 

Summary: The topic of philosophy is deep and expansive, with that very same effect on the mind, when we indulge in it.

---

L: Religion is the smile on a dog

I: Dogs smiling are not a good sign. Humans smiling, and animals smiling never convey the same emotion. Humans smiling (more often than not) convey friendliness. Animals smiling is more like a warning, a grimace even. They serve as a forerunner of bad things to happen if we continue to tread on the same path.

Summary: Religion warns us of dangers that lie ahead and helps prevent bad things from happening to us, IF we interpret it right.

---

L: What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?

I: These lines indicate one specific thing. If you follow the right path, the cycle of infinite births can be broken by the present, as clearly mentioned by the non-repeating word 'IS' in the first line.

The second line gives us insight into how we can break this cycle of birth and rebirth, and that is, what are you is what you are is what are you, or is it?

Summary: Break the circle of infinite births by going the other way. Do things that you wouldn't normally do for the good of yourself and others.

---

L: Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks

I: When has walking on slippery rocks ever been easy? Well, only when you have walked on many slippery rocks and actually do it for fun now. 

Summary: Philosophy is a lot of fun, especially when you know what you're talking about. You get to watch other not-so-experienced ones slip up and hurt their pride.

---

L: Religion is a light in the fog

I: Light in the fog is pretty surreal, but can also be deadly. You see the light and presume it's safe to drive in that direction, but BAM! You just drove over the cliff, following the light you saw from the nearby lighthouse.

Summary: Religion is a blueprint, a general direction you can follow. Interpret it wrong, or follow it blindly, and it can lead to some serious pain.

---

L: Choke me in the shallow water
Before I get too deep

Don't let me get too deep

I: This is clearly the lyricist telling me, and you, my dear readers, that this song isn't meant to be interpreted. If you're over-analyzing this, then you're pretty much killing yourself. So stop right now before you do any analyses.

Summary: The song is not meant to be interpreted. The fact I read this disclaimer so late into the analyses will probably break me, way more than 10 years of solitary confinement will.

Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.

Delirium

Pssst!
Who.. What?
Hey man! I got something for you.
I... err... I'm not interested.
I think you would be, if you only come this way.
Ahem! Who are you exactly?
Those are details that don't matter. What matters now is I make your life better. Follow me into this dark alley way.
Hello Brain? Could you help me out here? Should I follow this mysterious and creepy stranger into this dark alley?
(hic)! Sure! What could go wrong? As your superior intellect, I say go ahead! YOLO biyaaatch!
(hic)!
Damnit! I don't think I should even bother listening to...
I SAID YOLO (hic)! Don't piss me off! I could black out if you make me work... I'm warning you!
Hey bud! You coming?
Yeah yeah! Coming!
========================
Pretty much how I imagine my super smart pills killing off those inebriated bacteria and germs that are making me sick.

Greek God

I realized of late that I'm a Greek God of sorts...

Now, now... hold onto your horses... I didn't mean in the classical sense. Just how people perceive me...

So when I talk to people, I have a tendency of being a little fast in terms of talking... some may even say I have verbal diarrhea.

So when I'm talking at that pace, people say that they don't understand me, and it's all GREEK to them.

Also, when people see me, their first reaction is, "Oh My God, he's coming towards us. Please God, don't come towards us."

Hence, putting statement A and Statement B together, I think I'm pretty much a Greek God.

Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.

The Greatest Unresolved Battle

Tea, or Coffee.

Personally, I'm a die hard fan of a nice cup of filter coffee. I often would like to say, "It's filter coffee way, or the gully way", but I don't.

On the negative Z-axis though, I love iced tea. And usually when I go to a Chinese restaurant, I'd like to order some Oolong tea.

I'm basically like a flipped coin that landed vertically.

So I took two phrases, one relating to each one, and attempted to break it down.

Now, in the blue corner, weighing a packet of international appeal, is coffee. It's most popular phrase being, 'Coffee break'.

In the red corner, careening to expensive types of leaves, is tea with its popular phrase being 'Tea-time'.

The battle between the two comes down to technicality.


First off,  COFFEE - BREAKS

• A coffee-break can be taken whenever.
• Makes room for impromptu get-togethers 
• It is more random and spontaneous. 
• It cannot be dependable on a daily basis (and hence the sometimes exclaimed, 'Give me a break').
• Due to it's lack of a fixed time slot, it needs to be allotted some time at possible opportunities, and this results in coffee breaks appearing many times a day (especially college canteens when you skip class). 
• Flexible enough to accommodate tea-time snacks into the itinerary. 

Next,  TEA-TIME

• Tea-time is a fixed time of the day.
• A daily schedule revolves around tea-time (for example, 'I say, why not you and your wife join us for some tea. Jolly good, ho ho, and all that old chap).
• Is very orderly, similar to a very well disciplined army general.
• It can be counted on to be there every single day, but lacks spontaneity due to the set routine established. 
• Since tea-time is at an established time, it definitely appears divisibly (made up word) lesser than coffee-breaks.
• It has a huge range of snacks dedicated to it, known as tea-time snacks.

Conclusion
Well, if you are orderly, disciplined, have a daily routine, etc. then you should soothe your 'non-spontaneous and predictable life style influenced' mind by drinking tea, like a gentle man/ lady.

And if you are spontaneous, excitable and impromptu, then you should mellow down your fickle, 'No future plans for life' mind by enjoying a nice hot cup of kappa.

For everything else, it's a tie.

English Language

Interrobang is basically a quesclamation mark. Usually super imposed, but while being typed out, is a question mark followed by an exclamation mark ( ?! ).

That's not what I thought of when I heard the word interrobang the first time. I had a totally different picture.

----------------------------- Picturization -----------------------------

A pretty white exclamation mark sitting at a table in a room devoid of any other furniture. There is one empty seat at the opposite end and one hanging light in the whole room right above the table. The only door to the room opens and in walks a tall dark question mark.

"Do you know where the diamond is?", asks Quest.
" I don't know anything I tell you. NOTHING!", exclaims Ms. Mark.

Grabbing her by the sides of her shoulder, he raises her from her seat to a standing position.

"If you don't know where it is, then who does??", he puts forward the question in a gentle, yet threatening voice; his questionable moustache ready to scrape the skin off of Claim's gentle skin.

Being so close to each other, things heat up.

Retro techno music begins to play.

They lunge at each other like wild grammatical errors, tearing at each other's clothers.

The lyrics to the techno song fade in.

Female chorus singing, "Interrogation...interrogation...interrogation...in...in....interrogation".

All of a suddent, the music stops, and the male voice associated with the song whispers in a voice not too different from that of Barry White, "Interrogation Bang... Interrobang!".

The "adult" movie by Punctuation Studios, Interrobang, will appear in a medium of communication near you starting Ambiguity 25th, XXX A.D

-------------------------------- The End --------------------------------------------------

Influential Music

I was having dinner at this Chinese restaurant which had authentic Chinese music playing. Not that I have a problem with Chinese music, but this time round, I became a young disciple of martial arts in training, who had a penchant for playing pranks on fellow disciples. Reminiscent of happier times. Then the music became melodramatic. An incoherent scream in an exotic language (resembling a wail of a wounded animal), and a crash through the window  onto the streets were all that were remaining for the transformation into a formidable opponent.


The adrenaline rush to avenge fallen comrades ruined my appetite.

Goddamn you, brilliant martial arts movies...

Bougie-ness!

What is with Indian restaurants and their jugs of water with uncut lemons bobbing in them? I wouldn't have an issue if they were cut, but uncut? Let's refer to this as 'Unlemon Water'.

I understand there are health advantages to drinking unlemon water, but for that, the lemons need to be in the water for a prolonged period of time, or at least cut open, for heaven's sake.
If you've ever been in a decent Indian restaurant, you know the kind of crowd that's expected. That's more because of the Indian population rather than the actual popularity of the restaurant.
The point is, because of the crowd, there's never enough time for the water to soak in the goodness from these uncut lemons, before it's completely served to customers. The jugs then have to be filled with fresh water, and quickly served again.
This might work in other countries or restaurants where there's smaller population

This is just complete bougie-ness from the restaurant's part, and I really see a lot of impression creating rather than practical use these days.

Rant for the day, DONE!

Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.

An introduction...since everything usually needs one.

So here is an empty blog.

I find it pretty daunting to see a blank page (in a book, or web page) and always wonder what that blank page has in terms of potential. It could be a prelude, or something that serves as a transition medium. Yet, it could be left blank and still serve the same purpose as a well timed silence.

So much potential.

This is my attempt at exploiting that potential, or end up burning in the annals of blog hell history for under-utilization of such a powerful, or potentially powerful, medium of communication. This would be my little space in the expansive world of the internet.

- Vimal Sathish

P.S: Sometimes I like faking intensity and making things sound melodramatic. I also love making words up.