Science: Sneeze Power

What is the power of a simple sneeze?
Before we get to the nitty gritty details of a sneeze, we need to understand what is a sneeze, and how it is generated.

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Structure
Your body is actually a miniature empire that is always on the move (controlled by the High Neuron Priests of the temple of Brain). It contains soldiers who fight off invading armies, and are always on high alert against spies and infiltrators.

Soldiers present along the Wall of Mucous are The Body's alarm system. Sometimes though, they tend to fall sleep, or get distracted by the beautiful female family members of R.B.Cells. This is forbidden love, but how it came to be so, will be covered in another post. Enemy soldiers usually wait for this opportunity to try and sneak in.




Working
Enemy soldiers keep trying to enter the empire of The Body. Most of them get caught in the smart trap laid by the soldiers in the Margove trees of the Nose Swamps.

However, these defenses are not always fail-safe, and sometimes a large invading force manages to enter the empire.
When overrun, the mystic priests of the temple of Brain call upon their presiding deity of Vaccuumus Airus. This cowardly deity has an inherent fear of the invading army. This God observes which direction the enemy is in as it rises from the ocean. It then faces the other direction and makes a run for it. The force of the sand sprayed backwards by this God as he flees, results in all the enemies being expelled powerfully.

This is what we call a sneeze.

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Now that we have the structure of working of a sneeze, imagine harnessing it. Imagine harnessing the combined sneezes of all your fellow country men (and women of course). What could the potential uses of this be? Well, let me list them out, my friends.

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Uses

• Biological Warfare: Sprinkle some disease germs and unleash the collective expullsive force of the National Sneezerator.

• Ever-ready Rain: Large scale combined sneezes will alter the pressure system in the nation, drawing in moisture laiden clouds from the sea. When this is blocked by the mountains of giant fish bones piled on by that pirate bear crew everyone's been on the lookout for, it should result in a monsoon of heavy sneezefall.

• National Emergency Siren: Justin Beiber albums invading your country? Is the nation surrounded by twerking GIFs? Fear not! Alert the nation to these calamities, and more, with the help of the Sneeze-iren. This combines the the sound volumes of the whole nation's sneezers, and launches it all at the same time. Everyone is sure to hear it.
  
  

• Prevent surveillance: Unleashing the ever dependable Sneezerator in the desert will create a dust cloud. This will prevent satellite surveillance by foreign countries.

• Immigration Control: The main result of the sneeze is to remove foreign bodies. So allowing authorities to randomly fire the public with the Sneezegration Law Gun will automatically blow away only the illegal immigrants and terrorists into neighbouring countries.

• Higher Pardons: The advantageous side effect to using the sneeze theory in protecting the nation, regardless of extreme and brutal force it brings with it, is that it's always followed by a polite 'Excuse me', No nation is resistant to this politeness, and will always result in being 'excused'.

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Stay tuned to this blog, for more exciting Science lessons in the near future.

Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.

You & Your Little Ones

There's that little part of you you've seen grow. You never knew growing up so quick was part and parcel of your life, but here we are.
You are about to separate and watch your fingernail go on ahead and find other uses in its life, or rather, after-life of being your fingernail.
To help you decide on how best help your fingernail reach its full potential, I have a list of options for you.

• Stick a bunch of fingernails onto a potato and place it in a pot. This will be your first ever Nailtusto, the 4th cousin of the cactus once removed from the father's side
• Stick cut nails onto a painting of you for absolute realism. That's a million dollar art idea for free!
• Collect years worth of cut nails, and stitch them together to form the ultimate chain-mail, that serves as valuable defense against Aunty Spittle and Cousin Bracey's hugs
• Hate a certain teacher? Spike every classroom chalk piece with a cut nail. Blackboards will never sound the same when you write on it
• Attach it at the end of a foot long stick, and you have yourself an advanced personal back scratcher
• Leave a few fingernails along with a beautiful gift, on the desk of the girl/guy you've been anonymously impressing. DNA analyses will guide that person to you
• Finds strong use in acupuncture 
• Use in kids' projects titled 'Puns in Egypt', by having a flowing river made of fingernails.

These are just a few of the uses you can find for your little ones. 

Stay together, and stay sharp!

Guide to Running Like a Pro

Follow these easy steps to good health, losing those extra pounds of chicken from last weekend, and that glowing skin from the insurgency of life force.

1. Make sure you are mentally prepared for running.
You spilt some juice on your new shoes?! What is the point you're trying to make? You can't run unless you get those stains out? Fine! Clean it up quick.
You've been at it for 30mins now! Sigh! It's too late now. Let's try again tomorrow.

2. Wake up early.
Wake up! Wake up! What do you mean you forgot to put the alarm? Sheesh! Just... fine! Tomorrow!

3. Get plenty of sleep! 
It's 5:30 in the A.M, and I'm glad you're up... sort of. Huh? So what if you slept only 7.5 hours?! 
You need a solid 8 hours of sleep, because you don't want to start the jog tired? What kind of logic is that? Fine! Tomorrow!

4. Drink tons of water hours before you run.
What's your excuse this morning, that you forgot to drink water the previous day? No wait. You're saying you're feeling dehydrated because you peed all the water you drank last night? Oh My God! Fine! Let's try this again the next day. Don't forget to drink just enough water this time.

5. Maintain rhythmic breathing.
NO! Yawning constantly does not count as rhythmic breathing. Show some... hey! Where are you heading? You're going in the wrong direction! Stop! You're running...oh. You're running home to bed. WT...! 

6. Maintain a steady pace.
You're finally out and running. Or rather jogging. Well, maybe it isn't exactly a jog, but more like a brisk walk. Strike that. It's an evening stroll. Well, just do a good job at it, will you? Try maintaining that pace. What are you doing?! Don't stop! You just started walking! Dognabit! Alright! FINE! Think your way to good health. I give up! You just don't want to jog. Why don't you go play some Wii Sport then, won't you?

The earliest bird gets the worm...

I see your horse, and raise you an ostrich.

 

An introduction...since everything usually needs one.

So here is an empty blog.

I find it pretty daunting to see a blank page (in a book, or web page) and always wonder what that blank page has in terms of potential. It could be a prelude, or something that serves as a transition medium. Yet, it could be left blank and still serve the same purpose as a well timed silence.

So much potential.

This is my attempt at exploiting that potential, or end up burning in the annals of blog hell history for under-utilization of such a powerful, or potentially powerful, medium of communication. This would be my little space in the expansive world of the internet.

- Vimal Sathish

P.S: Sometimes I like faking intensity and making things sound melodramatic. I also love making words up.