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Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Unknown Knowledge: Extinct Animals
Today we'll analyze the extinction of birds and animals, and the controversial circumstances leading to their disappearance.
Name: Tasmanian Tigers
Method: Specicide; Extermination
Controversial Level: ★★★★
Controversy: In 1936, all the Tasmanian Tigers rallied together to defend their rights against the specism exercised by the Kangaroos Jumping Party and the newcomers, the Dingoes.
Many attempts were made by the ruling mammals and marsupials in curbing this Tasmanian Tiger uprising, but the movement was gaining momentum.
However, all the Tasmanian Tigers suddenly disappeared by the end of the very same year. Since then, various agencies and reporters have tried to uncover the dark truth begind these disappearances, resulting in their disappearances as well. Hence, there will be no further insight into this report.
Fun Fact: Some Tasmanian Tigers thought they were actually related to tigers. Unfortunately for them, on a visit to meet tigers to strengthen their movement, they weren't greeted with the same level of enthusiasm and were sent home in doggy bags.
Name: Quaggas
Method: Exploitation
Controversial Level: ★★★★
Controversy: Quaggas were the not-so-smart members of the zebra family, and therefore, were heavily picked on. They were made to do all the menial jobs, and often cheated out of their fair share.
The use of the quaggas as zebra shield against predators were kept out of the news until it was too late. Often the quaggas would be made to stand right at the outer periphery of the herd, so that their bland pattern would stick out like a sore thumb. This made the quaggas easy prey for predators to pick out of the crowd.
In 1883, the last quagga gave up her life for the greater good of the herd.
Fun Fact: Quaggas would often fool zebra females into bed, by approaching them head-on. Conspiracy theorists claim that the resultant offspring was made to shun its quagga heritage, and got absorbed completely into the zebra family.
Name: Passenger Pigeon
Method: Addiction; Substance abuse
Controversial Level: ★★
Controversy: Passenger Pigeons were considered the gypsies of the bird world. They traveled in large numbers, and everywhere they went, they caused chaos and destruction through white wash. Tired with their behaviour, the American Birds Conglomeration (ABC), decided to exploit Passenger Pigeons' one weakness... bird seeds.
The ABC spiked bird seeds with alcohol, and started selling it to the adults for cheap. They also hooked youngsters onto pure and unadulterated bird seeds in powdered form. One led to the other, and soon the Passenger Pigeons were completely addicted.
One by one, Passenger Pigeons were no longer traveling as passengers to different parts of the continent, and had stayed put for way too long. By 1914, the last passenger pigeon became an ordinary pigeon, staying away from the eyes of bird society... still subjecting itself to substance abuse.
Fun Fact: Unreliable reports have it that some Passenger Pigeons have made it onto the board of the ABC, and now getting all the other members addicted to the very same illegal bird seeds.
Name: The Golden Toads
Method: Statelessness
Controversy Level: ★★★
Controversy: Golden Toads epitomized peace in Costa Rica. They were a living icon of jungle peace and inter-animal harmony. Unfortunately, their refusal to move from their habitat, containing rich varieties of bugs, prompted other toads and frogs to forcefully take over their pond and shores. The outsiders soon starting torturing the Golden Toads, and cut off their magic mushroom supply causing them to stop glowing.
Unable to bear this kind of treatment, in 1989 the Golden Toads left their habitat under the cover of dampness, and sought refuge in various other ponds and marshes. These refugees have now disappeared completely, and even if they were found, they have no identity or habitat to call their own.
Fun Fact: The Doors have a song dedicated to the Golden Toads, except they mistook them for frogs.
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
---
Name: Tasmanian Tigers
Method: Specicide; Extermination
Controversial Level: ★★★★
Many attempts were made by the ruling mammals and marsupials in curbing this Tasmanian Tiger uprising, but the movement was gaining momentum.
However, all the Tasmanian Tigers suddenly disappeared by the end of the very same year. Since then, various agencies and reporters have tried to uncover the dark truth begind these disappearances, resulting in their disappearances as well. Hence, there will be no further insight into this report.
Fun Fact: Some Tasmanian Tigers thought they were actually related to tigers. Unfortunately for them, on a visit to meet tigers to strengthen their movement, they weren't greeted with the same level of enthusiasm and were sent home in doggy bags.
---
Name: Quaggas
Method: Exploitation
Controversial Level: ★★★★
Controversy: Quaggas were the not-so-smart members of the zebra family, and therefore, were heavily picked on. They were made to do all the menial jobs, and often cheated out of their fair share.
The use of the quaggas as zebra shield against predators were kept out of the news until it was too late. Often the quaggas would be made to stand right at the outer periphery of the herd, so that their bland pattern would stick out like a sore thumb. This made the quaggas easy prey for predators to pick out of the crowd.
In 1883, the last quagga gave up her life for the greater good of the herd.
Fun Fact: Quaggas would often fool zebra females into bed, by approaching them head-on. Conspiracy theorists claim that the resultant offspring was made to shun its quagga heritage, and got absorbed completely into the zebra family.
---
Name: Passenger Pigeon
Method: Addiction; Substance abuse
Controversial Level: ★★
Controversy: Passenger Pigeons were considered the gypsies of the bird world. They traveled in large numbers, and everywhere they went, they caused chaos and destruction through white wash. Tired with their behaviour, the American Birds Conglomeration (ABC), decided to exploit Passenger Pigeons' one weakness... bird seeds.
The ABC spiked bird seeds with alcohol, and started selling it to the adults for cheap. They also hooked youngsters onto pure and unadulterated bird seeds in powdered form. One led to the other, and soon the Passenger Pigeons were completely addicted.
One by one, Passenger Pigeons were no longer traveling as passengers to different parts of the continent, and had stayed put for way too long. By 1914, the last passenger pigeon became an ordinary pigeon, staying away from the eyes of bird society... still subjecting itself to substance abuse.
Fun Fact: Unreliable reports have it that some Passenger Pigeons have made it onto the board of the ABC, and now getting all the other members addicted to the very same illegal bird seeds.
---
Name: The Golden Toads
Method: Statelessness
Controversy Level: ★★★
Controversy: Golden Toads epitomized peace in Costa Rica. They were a living icon of jungle peace and inter-animal harmony. Unfortunately, their refusal to move from their habitat, containing rich varieties of bugs, prompted other toads and frogs to forcefully take over their pond and shores. The outsiders soon starting torturing the Golden Toads, and cut off their magic mushroom supply causing them to stop glowing.
Unable to bear this kind of treatment, in 1989 the Golden Toads left their habitat under the cover of dampness, and sought refuge in various other ponds and marshes. These refugees have now disappeared completely, and even if they were found, they have no identity or habitat to call their own.
Fun Fact: The Doors have a song dedicated to the Golden Toads, except they mistook them for frogs.
---
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the images used in the blog/post, and have used them with no intention to distribute them or make any money out of them.
10 Types of Social Comics... and lots more!
Greetings dear visitors traversing this small corner of the interwebs! Stay a little longer and read a little quicker, and you'll have a better understanding of the different social comics that exist out there.
Without much ado, here they are!
Symptoms: Enthusiastic, charismatic, pitiful
Condition: Once the joke concludes, the only person laughing is the one telling the joke
The Poker Player
Symptoms: Serious, intelligent, scary
Condition: Runs the joke with a straight face. Sometimes causes mass silence since no one knows if it's a joke or life as it happened.
Condition: Usually quiet unless targeted, and usually retorts in such a way that the attacker is left embarrassed
Condition: Converts even the simplest incidences into a whirlwind trilogy of love, betrayal, and power
The Teacher
Symptoms: listener, jovial, egoistic
Condition: Chips in with actual facts and corrects the narrator when he exaggerates or makes a mistake
---
El Bully
Symptoms: extrovert, animated, hogs the limelight
Condition: Not only does this person physically put down his target by thumping the shoulders with a heavy blow, but his jokes embarrass the other person in the front of the crowd as well
---
Potpourri
Symptoms: smart, open-minded, funny sometimes
Condition: Is a mix of all the types of social comics
Kamikaze Specialist
Symptoms: naive, well-meaning, silly
Condition: Joins in the fun of belittling a targeted person of a joke, only to end up always saying something unwittingly silly, that switches the spotlight onto him/her.
---
The Native
Symptoms: enthusiastic, listens, insecure
Condition: In an attempt to be funny, says an inside joke that would probably be understood only by one person in a group of ten or more
---
Coattail Rider
Symptoms: alert, jovial, unoriginal
Condition: Chips in with a word or short sentence during the telling of a very funny joke. Ends up being considered funny as well
The Ghoul
Symptoms: enthusiastic, persistent, talkative
Condition: Says the worst form of jokes that invoke only moans and groans from the listeners
---
The Lightning
Symptoms: quiet, intense, partly poker faced
Condition: Narrates a hilarious joke that no one gets initially. When it does hit, it results in mass laughter and stomach cramps
Do you fit into one of the above categories? Let me know in the comments below, or via IM, or snail mail, or dino mail, or pony express, or just read through this and self-analyze.
Without much ado, here they are!
---
The Self-MotivatorSymptoms: Enthusiastic, charismatic, pitiful
Condition: Once the joke concludes, the only person laughing is the one telling the joke
- Extreme Case: TV Ads State
Symptoms: Easily amused, excited, not capable of providing a summary
Condition: Interrupts the story telling on a regular basis with peals of laughter. Horrible narration results in only narrator finding the joke funny
---
The Poker Player
Symptoms: Serious, intelligent, scary
Condition: Runs the joke with a straight face. Sometimes causes mass silence since no one knows if it's a joke or life as it happened.
---
The Comeback King/Queen
Symptoms: quiet, active listener, can switch target of laughter quicklyCondition: Usually quiet unless targeted, and usually retorts in such a way that the attacker is left embarrassed
- Derivative: The Crossbow
Symptoms: Alert, jovial, fox-like
Condition: At opportune moments, fires a one-liner that cracks up everyone around. - Antonym: The Self Proclaimed Comeback King/Queen
Symptoms: loud, determined, not funny
Condition: Impatient to retort, and is usually funny only in that person's mind. Also, destroys the mood at the moment because of that person's perseverance in trying to be the King/Queen of comebacks
---
The Tolkien
Symptoms: a talker, hyper active, dreamerCondition: Converts even the simplest incidences into a whirlwind trilogy of love, betrayal, and power
- Sidekick: The Quick Starter
Symptoms: Enthusiastic, brilliant memory, supportive
Condition: In an attempt to stay relevant, always starts off or brings up a joke or incident, but asks The Tolkien to complete it. - Derivative: The Peter Jackson
Symptoms: Vivid imagination, animated, loud
Condition: The physically animated retelling of The Tolkien narration, with verbal sound effects
The Teacher
Symptoms: listener, jovial, egoistic
Condition: Chips in with actual facts and corrects the narrator when he exaggerates or makes a mistake
---
El Bully
Symptoms: extrovert, animated, hogs the limelight
Condition: Not only does this person physically put down his target by thumping the shoulders with a heavy blow, but his jokes embarrass the other person in the front of the crowd as well
---
Potpourri
Symptoms: smart, open-minded, funny sometimes
Condition: Is a mix of all the types of social comics
- Antonym: The Inspired
Symptoms: loud, determined, not funny
Condition: Imitates word-to-word & action-by-action the narration by the original
---
Kamikaze Specialist
Symptoms: naive, well-meaning, silly
Condition: Joins in the fun of belittling a targeted person of a joke, only to end up always saying something unwittingly silly, that switches the spotlight onto him/her.
---
The Native
Symptoms: enthusiastic, listens, insecure
Condition: In an attempt to be funny, says an inside joke that would probably be understood only by one person in a group of ten or more
---
Coattail Rider
Symptoms: alert, jovial, unoriginal
Condition: Chips in with a word or short sentence during the telling of a very funny joke. Ends up being considered funny as well
- Arch Nemesis: End Credits
Symptoms: Enthusiastic, impatient, selfish
Condition: Shouts out the punch line early on in the joke, regardless of whether anyone else has heard it or not.
---
The Ghoul
Symptoms: enthusiastic, persistent, talkative
Condition: Says the worst form of jokes that invoke only moans and groans from the listeners
---
The Lightning
Symptoms: quiet, intense, partly poker faced
Condition: Narrates a hilarious joke that no one gets initially. When it does hit, it results in mass laughter and stomach cramps
- Extreme Delay Response: The Socrates
Symptoms: quiet, intense, partly poker faced
Condition: Narrates a very hilarious joke that no one gets
---
Do you fit into one of the above categories? Let me know in the comments below, or via IM, or snail mail, or dino mail, or pony express, or just read through this and self-analyze.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Q&A Time: Potholes
Hello again, my confused friends. It's that part of the blog where I answer an imaginary someone's conjured up question pertaining to giant lizards, fleeing bridesmaids, or penguins that are susceptible to being tickled.
Welcome to,
Solution to the problem
One thing you will notice is that each pothole has its own unique shape and depth (fingerprint of the pothole, if you will). Matching this to the corresponding potbellied IT worker, you can find the culprit who has damaged government property (the road). A hefty fine will prevent any such ambitious plans in the future.
Welcome to,
'Hypothetical Questions & Answers'
------------------------------------------------------
Today's question comes from Raj of Generic City, India. He asks,
Q:
Dear Blogger/Vimal/I.I,
Generic City has a lot of tarred roads, and is in general considered a relatively rich city due to the burgeoning IT industry. This service industry has resulted in a very rich middle class. Regardless of how rich the city may seem, come monsoon season, all the roads get battered with potholes.
My question is, who is to blame and how can we help maintain good pothole-free roads?
A:
Dear Raj,
Let me indulge you in a bit of a background story, which will help you understand my later explanation.
As the middle class continues working for a huge chunk of every day by sitting in front of their computer desks, their lack of physical exertion or exercise becomes apparent. They develop what I'd like to call 'Corporate Fat' around their waists. Corporate fattened bellies are different from normal big bellies in that, they resist change to their shape on application of an external physical force.
Reason for your problem.
As the middle class continues working for a huge chunk of every day by sitting in front of their computer desks, their lack of physical exertion or exercise becomes apparent. They develop what I'd like to call 'Corporate Fat' around their waists. Corporate fattened bellies are different from normal big bellies in that, they resist change to their shape on application of an external physical force.
Reason for your problem.
During the rainy season, people tend to spend a lot of time indoors, eating tons of hot fried snacks. This will lead to a general unhealthy feeling, and almost everyone will want to try jogging to lose some weight and be healthy again.
These potbellied people end up going on early morning jogs. If it rains or even drizzles, these joggers tend to slip and fall onto their tummies. This leads to the creation of potholes.
Solution to the problem
One thing you will notice is that each pothole has its own unique shape and depth (fingerprint of the pothole, if you will). Matching this to the corresponding potbellied IT worker, you can find the culprit who has damaged government property (the road). A hefty fine will prevent any such ambitious plans in the future.
Hope this answer has helped. Thank you for mailing in your question.
-----------------------------
That's it folks! If any of you have hypothetical questions you'd like answered, please feel free to trouble me anytime.
Until then, I bid you, vida!
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